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Conferences > Northern California > Art of FBSM > Topic #15429
Reading Topic #15429, reply 3

Remy_Noelle Remy_Noelle rating
Member since 18-Apr-10
117 posts, 2 feedbacks, 4 points
03-Apr-12, 03:51 PM (PST)
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3. "RE: Real Names"
In response to message.0
 
   That seems to me like a violation of trust. For me, its a big one.

I think its fair to ask how she came by the information--especially so you can prevent it from happening in the future. (maybe caller id?)

This actually happened, on the other side, with a (former) friend of mine. She had started seeing someone--they met online, and both had used pseudonyms.

After what was reported as a highly satisfying evening for both parties, while he was in the shower that morning, she 'happened' to his 'real' name on some mail which had been lying around (I don't think she went digging through his stuff, but I won't rule it out).

She then proceeded to call him by his real name once he got out of the shower. He was a bit rattled, but seemed ok. Until he asked her what her real (first) name was, and she outright refused and flipped out, at which point he did get (understandably!!) quite upset. It did not end well.

When she related this story to me, I had to side with the gentleman. I asked her how on *earth* she would have felt if he had done that to her, and I couldnt for the life of me understand why , after all of that, she refused to give him her real first name. And WHY, even if she had just come across the info, WHY just say it without any preface?

If she really just happened upon the information, why not just either 1) tell him what happened or 2) keep calling him by his pseudonym until he told her voluntarily?

In the case of my (former) friend, I think it was a power thing.

In your case, perhaps it was a (rare) instance of provider crossing the privacy "boundary" line. Usually when that happens, (client or otherwise) its meant in an innocent way (to be playful, to feel closer, etc) and they don't realize that its a punch-in-the-stomach to the other party.

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 Real Names [View All], pinhole, 08:37 AM, 03-Apr-12, (0)  

707playa 707playa rating
Member since 22-Aug-10
1134 posts, 29 feedbacks, 58 points
03-Apr-12, 09:00 AM (PST)
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1. "RE: Real Names"
In response to message.0
 
I always give the same exact fake name, the ones that I have seen more than once knows my real name.

I never bring my wallet into a session, life lesson learnt. She could of been a crazy girl, she could of shown up @ your house looking for ya, becareful bro

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JPA
Charter Member
6312 posts
03-Apr-12, 03:36 PM (PST)
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2. "RE: Real Names"
In response to message.0
 
LAST EDITED ON 03-Apr-12 AT 03:48 PM (PST)
 
>What would you do?

Well for starters I would make it clear to both girls that I am NOT seeing them again (returning) due to the (mis) use of your personal info. Clearly if you wanted them to know it you would have shared it.

What is the obsession with real names? Anonymity (yours and hers) is what helps make these private, paid, no strings attached connections work and IMO get hot. Not only does it help make the connection work, IMO it helps a guy keep his head on straight, things can get pretty intense, having your play name is just a reminder that what you are doing is real but not reality (yours or hers).

That's not to say people can't get to know each other as people, but real names have a bit of pandora's box to them, once out you can't put them back in. IME real names have made more complex what IMO is better left simple, fun and sexy.

Having said all that yes a few girls know my name and vice/versa. If theirs comes out for some reason, I will volunteer mine but I typically continue to use their RB name unless circumstances require me to use their real name and those are rare.

my 1 cent


ps I think Shameless Hussy mentioned she has a fake "real name" to tell clients. It's kinda sad that a girl needs to go there but she's not the only one to share with me at having one.

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Remy_Noelle Remy_Noelle rating
Member since 18-Apr-10
117 posts, 2 feedbacks, 4 points
03-Apr-12, 03:51 PM (PST)
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3. "RE: Real Names"
In response to message.0
 
   That seems to me like a violation of trust. For me, its a big one.

I think its fair to ask how she came by the information--especially so you can prevent it from happening in the future. (maybe caller id?)

This actually happened, on the other side, with a (former) friend of mine. She had started seeing someone--they met online, and both had used pseudonyms.

After what was reported as a highly satisfying evening for both parties, while he was in the shower that morning, she 'happened' to his 'real' name on some mail which had been lying around (I don't think she went digging through his stuff, but I won't rule it out).

She then proceeded to call him by his real name once he got out of the shower. He was a bit rattled, but seemed ok. Until he asked her what her real (first) name was, and she outright refused and flipped out, at which point he did get (understandably!!) quite upset. It did not end well.

When she related this story to me, I had to side with the gentleman. I asked her how on *earth* she would have felt if he had done that to her, and I couldnt for the life of me understand why , after all of that, she refused to give him her real first name. And WHY, even if she had just come across the info, WHY just say it without any preface?

If she really just happened upon the information, why not just either 1) tell him what happened or 2) keep calling him by his pseudonym until he told her voluntarily?

In the case of my (former) friend, I think it was a power thing.

In your case, perhaps it was a (rare) instance of provider crossing the privacy "boundary" line. Usually when that happens, (client or otherwise) its meant in an innocent way (to be playful, to feel closer, etc) and they don't realize that its a punch-in-the-stomach to the other party.

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Remy_Noelle Remy_Noelle rating
Member since 18-Apr-10
117 posts, 2 feedbacks, 4 points
03-Apr-12, 03:57 PM (PST)
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4. "RE: Real Names"
In response to message.3
 
   PS: This girl and I are no longer friends, actually, for the exact same reason. She was into crossing peoples boundaries as a power thing, and then playing the victim about it. Super weird, and since I am VERY easygoing with those I'm close to, it was almost imperceptible until things got really bad.

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nottheone nottheone rating
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03-Apr-12, 05:07 PM (PST)
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5. "Inadvertent Disclosure"
In response to message.3
 
Also, once or twice, I've had providers accidentally spill their real names without even realizing it. The last time this happened was with a fairly new girl who answered her phone that way and I could tell she didn't realize the misstep at the time.

So it's possible anyone of us could make the same innocent slip, it's not automatically somebody rummaging through your trousers (although it sounds kinda exciting when you say it that way . . . )

NTO

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boots3573 boots3573 rating
Member since 18-Jul-08
164 posts, 2 feedbacks, 4 points
03-Apr-12, 05:33 PM (PST)
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6. "RE: Real Names"
In response to message.0
 
   >BTW, I have disclosed my real name to providers that I have
>seen multiple times, established a strong and positive
>relationship with and the provider has also disclosed her
>real name.


You would be surprised how tiny the FBSM circle is. Providers you wouldn't imagine knowing each other, do. All it takes is one personally identifiable mention about yourself and they can piece together if they know you. This isn't always a bad thing, mind you. I was once served up a fabulous rimmer by a provider who had no mention of any extras in her reviews and wasn't known as an under the radar extra gal. When I told her of my surprise receiving that nice treat she told me another provider told her I was cool and would keep it under wraps. Being respectful and chill has its rewards.

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bilbaox bilbaox rating
Member since 27-Nov-05
2392 posts, 23 feedbacks, 46 points
03-Apr-12, 09:55 PM (PST)
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7. "RE: Real Names"
In response to message.6
 
Exactly. The girls do talk. And, to some extent the boyz.

I tend to doubt any wallet search.

Its just like "Friends", where EVERYBODY knows your name.

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mickeybob
Member since 8-Jul-05
103 posts, Rate mickeybob
03-Apr-12, 11:01 PM (PST)
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8. "RE: Real Names"
In response to message.7
 
   Uh, think you meant "Cheers" (perhaps a semi-senior [or adult] moment.) In any event, innocent disclosure can easily happen when using a smart phone (e.g., IPhone) where you've input an automatic [actual] signature for your email account and forgotten/did not realize that the signature will go on all your accounts, including those you intended to keep anonymous. When such happens, one can only hope that the provider is someone who is professional, smart, has a good sense of humor, believes in karma and is kind, as most in this forum are.....

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machiv machiv rating
Member since 27-May-11
201 posts, 2 feedbacks, 4 points
03-Apr-12, 11:14 PM (PST)
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9. "RE: Real Names"
In response to message.0
 
   Giving out real names is sometimes a choice if you're getting started in the hobby and go down the "work reference" path. There will be some ladies that know a lot about you. Hopefully the trust placed in their discretion is not misplaced.

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MistressMontaine MistressMontaine rating
Member since 29-May-08
1184 posts, 17 feedbacks, 33 points
04-Apr-12, 11:40 PM (PST)
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10. "RE: Real Names"
In response to message.9
 
Actually it isn't all that hard to get to the REAL NAME.

Most often I hear it on the clients voicemail when I call his number back, per his instructions.

He leaves a fake name on my phone...but his outgoing voicemail reveals his TRUE name. Often it goes something like this. "Hi this is Joe Schmo from XYZ company....cant; take your call right now...leave a message..."

Now, I don't call him by his true name, only the name he shared with me.

There are also some apps that will give you the REAL name of the caller on your phone. Not too hard to figure out who's who and what's what.

I have even had some clients hand me their REAL business cards!!
Imagine that!!

Ms Montaine

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AmberInMarin AmberInMarin rating
Member since 11-Aug-08
1816 posts, 36 feedbacks, 72 points
05-Apr-12, 08:23 AM (PST)
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12. "RE: Real Names"
In response to message.10
 
... Facebook too

many people have their cell phones linked to their facebook accounts.

If he has a mobile facbook app on his phone, then uses that phone to call a provider who has a mobile facebook app on her phone, BAM.. all kinds of personal info..

I learned that one the hard way too!

AmberStone

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J510 J510 rating
Member since 3-Jan-12
167 posts, 3 feedbacks, 6 points
05-Apr-12, 00:00 AM (PST)
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11. "RE: Real Names"
In response to message.0
 
   Just thought I'd mention, if you are working out of your own apartment, you might want to check to see if your real name is on your mailbox...

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MistressMontaine MistressMontaine rating
Member since 29-May-08
1184 posts, 17 feedbacks, 33 points
05-Apr-12, 10:24 AM (PST)
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13. "RE: Real Names"
In response to message.11
 
SERIOUS PART OF THE POST: Yes, mailboxes can be tricky. We have a community box, no names listed. Use a business name if your personal name is on the box. Fluffy;s Dog Walking Service works well.

Providers also leave magazines around that have their name on the subscription mailing label.

Or things that are on the frig...that usually are of a more personal nature....car registration stickers, utility bills, letter from Mom...

USE COMMON SENSE FOLKS. (you can order it online at 1-888-got brains)

HUMOR PART OF THE POST:

I don;'t mind if a client finds a tidbit of info about me because they were snooping around..... as long as they notice the large black size 13 motorcycle boots and the jacket with colors nearby. And the Large dog bowl and those "beware of dog signs"!
Might wanna think twice about snooping!!!! Someone ALWAYS has my back and I am not talking about a pimp.
Evil grin.

Ms Montaine aka Veronica (real name) or Natasha (other real Russian name) or Surf Diva( made up name) or boobalicious ( made up name and what my ATF calls me) or Dominatrix of the Dark (not really a made up name...no that would be more of a title than a name, Sparkle(you be the judge), oh and lets not forget Mz Fiduciary Banks(real pimped out name). Hey I also have my Hebrew name, My Yogi name and my native american name.

Oh dear - what a mess. Call me whatever your heart desires as long as you bring champagne, chocolate and roses!!

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africanmilk africanmilk rating
Member since 25-Aug-10
2066 posts, 71 feedbacks, 140 points
05-Apr-12, 08:09 PM (PST)
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14. "RE: Real Names"
In response to message.13
 
LOL. I agree!

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summerrayne summerrayne rating
Member since 27-Apr-09
13106 posts, 193 feedbacks, 372 points
05-Apr-12, 11:38 PM (PST)
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15. "RE: Real Names"
In response to message.0
 
LAST EDITED ON 05-Apr-12 AT 11:40 PM (PST)
 
If you are not utilizing the reference system and your RB review handle to see providers who screen, she is screening you before scheduling a session with you.

For those who work without someone looking out for them - screening is all they have to protect themselves.

The best ladies have just as much to lose as you do and will never misuse your personal information.

However, if you are successfully booking sessions with ladies utilizing an untraceable phone, email and/or pseudonym - they went through your wallet.

I don't blame you for not seeing them anymore - what they did was a total violation of privacy and I'm SO sorry that happened that happened to you!

It's always Summer at My Place!

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AmberInMarin AmberInMarin rating
Member since 11-Aug-08
1816 posts, 36 feedbacks, 72 points
06-Apr-12, 09:37 AM (PST)
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16. "RE: Real Names"
In response to message.0
 
"So what do you do when a provider calls you by your real name and you know that you have not given it to her?" (I'm gonna flip this a little...)

It's kind of a pet peeve of mine when clients call me by my real name. (whether I gave it to him or not) .. Some guys find it online, some other girls slip, sometimes I slip, ... I dont' really care if guys know my real name, I just don't want them to use it. Especially during a session. ... When I'm working, I like to get into my "Amber" role, and there's no greater buzz kill for me then someone saying my real name! LOL ... it just pulls me out of my 'zone' instantly

... and for finding out clients real names, several pop up on my facebook page as suggested friends, most guys have their real name on their voicemail (which someone mentioned above).. but those are really the only 2 ways I've found out, (besides them just telling me) and it wasn't on purpose, just happened, but I always use the name they tell me.

AmberStone

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MistressMontaine MistressMontaine rating
Member since 29-May-08
1184 posts, 17 feedbacks, 33 points
06-Apr-12, 10:05 AM (PST)
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17. "RE: Real Names"
In response to message.16
 
Summer - as always you are a font of information. Simply the best.
Common sense and a sense of humor too.

Amber - you are so right on. This woman speaks the truth.

Guys - remember this word - BUZZ KILL!!! Real name = BUZZ KILL.
Repeat 3 times. Repeat 100 times.
DO NOT USE PROVIDERS REAL NAME, EVER!!!


Open letter to Mr I know your real name:
Good for you, great sleuthing on your part.You are the next Magnum PI. You get a gold star. No, you get 5 RB red stars. Whoop de do for you.
You get a brownie, some Kool Aid and a cookie, ....but want you won't get is any NOOKIE.

Using my real name is a big bummer. Does not get me in "the mood". And I am always almost, 99.9 percent in the mood.

Hello Mistress M or Hello Diva get me in the mood.
You DO want me in a good mood.
You do NOT want to piss of Mistress Montaine, the woman with all those scary looking tools of destruction and dismemberment, not to mention all those torture devices!!

I love all my farm animal devices....the cattle prod, the buggy whip,the easy castrater with those cute little rubber bands...shall I continue??

NO, I did not think you wanted any more graphic descriptions of my toys. Kinda kills your Mood too. Huh, funny how that works.
:0

So, play nice, be safe, have a good time, and keep your lips zipped....except when doing all sorts of wonderful, exciting, exhilarating things to some naughty bits.

Have a Powerful weekend.
Moo

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dberk dberk rating
Member since 8-Jul-09
1372 posts, 16 feedbacks, 32 points
06-Apr-12, 10:55 AM (PST)
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18. "RE: Real Names"
In response to message.17
 
   Sorry, but "DO NOT USE PROVIDERS REAL NAME, EVER!!!" is a sweeping generalization and bad spelling and grammar, to boot. How many times have women on this list said "tell us what you want, we're not mind readers"? Plus the recent thread about preferences for clit stimulating techniques should clearly underscore the point that we're all individuals with different preferences.

I've had providers volunteer their real names to me as early as the first email and in every subsequent communication.

MM, how about "Do not use MY real name *ever*!" ?

It seems more appropriate to assume stage names unless either person suggests otherwise. And if something's important to you, let the other person know.

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JPA
Charter Member
6312 posts
06-Apr-12, 01:51 PM (PST)
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19. "RE: Real Names"
In response to message.18
 
>Sorry, but "DO NOT USE PROVIDERS REAL NAME, EVER!!!" is a
>sweeping generalization and bad spelling and grammar, to
>boot.

Actually it would appear that MM is simply repeating/reinforcing what Amber said and what Amber's said does have context. Regardless of how a guy has come to know her real name do NOT use it IN session.

A favored friend I'd known for 2+ years used my real name (not typical for us) several times one appoint during a particularly intense moment, I followed suit with hers. After 1 very off/awkward appointment our next time together we were done. 2+ years of fun, hot sex with a great girl went up in smoke over an intense moment of passion when we used the wrong names.


>How many times have women on this list said "tell us
>what you want, we're not mind readers"?

wtf does this have to do with anything? are you saying you want to know girls' real names, that this your preference?


>Plus the recent
>thread about preferences for clit stimulating techniques
>should clearly underscore the point that we're all
>individuals with different preferences.

go for it, seek out names, play internet detective and use them in session. Don't forget though its your money and odds are significant majority of girls won't be cool with that and your money just got buzz killed and it was YOUR fault and that's your best case scenario.

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Falstaff
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2302 posts
06-Apr-12, 07:35 PM (PST)
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20. "RE: Real Names"
In response to message.19
 
   The few times I have been told (by them) their real name I don't use it. I don't want to slipup sometime and use it when it would not be appropriate, like posting on this board. Easier to just keep using their RB name and not take a chance.

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rubino rubino rating
Member since 24-Sep-05
193 posts, 4 feedbacks, 7 points
07-Apr-12, 02:26 PM (PST)
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21. "RE: Real Names"
In response to message.20
 
   Exactly. A few have slipped and told me, and none of them made a big deal about it. Regardless, I would never use their real name, unless they specifically instructed me to do so for whatever reason (which hasn't happened yet). I'm so good and keeping it a secret, that I've even forgotten one of them! Haha.

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loveandkisses loveandkisses rating
Member since 11-Oct-08
1347 posts, 34 feedbacks, 66 points
08-Apr-12, 01:18 AM (PST)
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22. "RE: Real Names"
In response to message.21
 
"I'm so good and keeping it a secret, that I've even forgotten one of them!"

Mine? Was it a little awkward when I accidently told you?

Personally, I don't mind sharing with someone I've come to trust.

~Kiera~

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rubino rubino rating
Member since 24-Sep-05
193 posts, 4 feedbacks, 7 points
09-Apr-12, 01:42 PM (PST)
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24. "RE: Real Names"
In response to message.22
 
   No dear, not awkward at all. I just err on the side of caution.

When I wrote that previous post, I was referring to someone else. But, to be honest, I'm not certain I have yours right, either! Doh! I'm 99.9% sure it is one of two names, however!

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dberk dberk rating
Member since 8-Jul-09
1372 posts, 16 feedbacks, 32 points
09-Apr-12, 10:37 AM (PST)
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23. "RE: Real Names"
In response to message.19
 
   Regardless who said it first, "DO NOT USE PROVIDERS REAL NAME, EVER!!!" is a sweeping generalization as evidenced by the number of providers who openly offer their real names.

My point about "How many times have women on this list said "tell us
what you want, we're not mind readers"? " was that we, providers and clients alike, have vastly different preferences and rules. You had a relationship fall apart by using real names. I've had the opposite experience. That doesn't make either of us right or wrong. Just different experiences.

My suggestion is that we simply respect and follow the the preferences and boundaries of the others we meet here. If they offer their real names, we should feel free to address them as such. As with most things in life, it's best to lead on the side of caution, and relax behavior as familiarity builds.

It's unfortunate that you read into what I wrote as suggesting anything otherwise.

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