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Subject: "New to the BDSM Scene" Archived thread - Read only
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Conferences > Northern California > Domination Station > Topic #52
Reading Topic #52

pastaboy
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112 posts, Rate pastaboy		 05-Aug-02, 00:44 AM (PST)
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"New to the BDSM Scene"
 
   Hey guys I'm new to all this and looking for a good first time provider! any suggestions?? Is there anyone good at the gates? not sure I want to go all the way to SF?? How should I handle talking to the provider, not sure what i want or what they want to here?? thanks Pastaboy

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lovetoy
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422 posts, Rate lovetoy		 06-Aug-02, 09:56 AM (PST)
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1. "Profile your desires..."
In response to message #0
 
   If you could help outline your desires, several of us could help you- including some of the very gracious Domme's who frequent this board.

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stive
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7113 posts		 06-Aug-02, 11:29 PM (PST)
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2. "A few suggestions for you..."
In response to message #0
 
   LAST EDITED ON 06-Aug-02 AT 11:31 PM (PDT)

LAST EDITED ON 06-Aug-02 AT 11:31 PM (PDT)

A good way to break in to this and discover what you like is to see some of the girls at either Fantasy Makers (www.fantasymakers.com) or The Gates (www.thegatessm.com). Both are quality establishments with reasonable prices and good selection of ladies & interests. However, you will NOT get any type of sex at these places--its strictly BDSM or fetishes and self-service!

Recommendations (from experience):
Fantasy Makers = Helena (much prettier than pictures) and a total sweetheart, very good at what she does. Gemini is very good-looking but is young and still learning but worth trying, you wont be disappointed. Shannon, although she is a BBW (not a hard body for sure) is really really great. Actually, everyone there is good at what they do.

The Gates = Athena is awesome!!! I cannot go into details but she is truly a gem. Also, Cosette is great if you are looking for a stripper fantasy.

I recommend calling Fantasy Makers and speaking with the owner/manager, Lorrett. She is really nice and will talk to you about your interests and try to match you with someone of appropriate skills. You can tell that she really cares about her customers and wants you to have fun. I find this to very refreshing and rare in this industry and therefore continue to go there as she has made me a loyal customer/client.

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lovetoy
Charter Member
422 posts		 09-Aug-02, 12:33 PM (PST)
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3. "Excellent Advise..."
In response to message #0
 
   I have seen 3 different Domme's at Fantasy Makers and 3 other independents. Suggest you do the FM (or Gates) and spend time at reasonable rates determining what you really like. Most Domme's specialize and are really not into some things. There is a graduated set of independent Domme's in the SF area who are very skilled and more expensive. I would be glad to share my list of favorites - whether I have seen them or not. The Dommes seem to be very into the MaxFisch.com discussion board where where they exercise far more domination than in this forum.

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Lilith Lilith rating
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1289 posts, 12 feedbacks, 22 points		 10-Aug-02, 08:57 AM (PST)
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4. "RE: New to the BDSM Scene"
In response to message #0
 
I heartily second the advice to profile your desires. You really need to write down the things that you've heard/read about that turn you on. And experienced dominant will be able to let you know what might be too intense for a beginner. (Yes, I recommend experienced dommes for beginners just because they have a better idea of how to structure a session that you can enjoy while learning a few things.)

Don't try to tell the dominant how to run the session, but make sure you tell her your limits (I once had a guy tell me celery was a limit. I never did figure that one out.), any medical problems you have, medication you're on, and whether or not marks are a problem. (That can help her decide on things you want to try. If marks are a problem, there are some SM activities that are a no-no.)

None of us are mind readers, so if you can bring her a list saying that you want to try W, Xand Z and that Y is a limit, you're much more likely to have a good time than if you show up and say, "I wanna explore." What if she makes you be a puppy for the session when what you wanted to explore was SM? What if you wanted to try humiliation and she did a sensual spanking?

The more she knows in advance, the better your session will be.

Also, if you want strap on play, you need to specify that in initial negotiations. Not all dommes do that. Not all dommes do everything, so the more information you can provide, the better your session is likely to be.

Lilith

http://www.ladylilith.com

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