I came across the essay below, written by a gay man. Those guys call it "edging," while we would use the term "teasing and denial." But regardless of the sex of the person who's doing it, the techniques are the same.
I'd love to find dommes or kinky FBSM ladies who do this.
I would add that the author describes using "poppers," which I've heard are big among gay men. I neither condone nor recommend using them, and would never do it myself.
"How To Edge A Man To Tears
by John in Baltimore
Here's a step by step guide for a basic edging session to be performed on a spread-eagled subject. I would be glad to demonstrate on anyone visiting the Baltimore area and happy to submit to same.
You will need:
The Means to tie/secure arms and legs to a bed
A Soft Make-Up Brush
A Spray Bottle with Water
A Damp Wash Cloth
A Digital Clock (something easily read by you as you work) A Vibrator
Poppers (optional, but suggested UNLESS subject is using ED medication)
KY Jelly (optional, for prostate massage, so something thicker than just lube)
1) Have your subject strip off all clothing except his underwear. Once he has complied, blindfold him and begin a test of his sensitivity by very lightly placing your finger tips at various points on his body - neck, shoulders, chest, stomach, back, thighs, calves, feet - and gently dragging them about. You should apply the lightest touch possible. You may want to test his nipples by brushing your fingertips over them several times. You will want to tell him to place his hands on his head, so that you might test the sensitivity of his underarms… and don't forget the arms themselves. You may also want to actually use a tickling motion at various points, but not to elicit laughter. Your reward for doing this well is a hard dick and hopefully some nice moaning and groaning. Don't rush through this and don't assume that a spot is not sensitive after only a few seconds. Linger and tease, linger and tease... until you are certain you understand your subject's body.
2) Have your subject lay down on the center of the bed. Make sure he is comfortable, then secure his arms firmly. You don't want to cut off circulation to his hands with cuffs or knots that are too tight, but you do want to make sure he cannot free himself. And don't pull his arms so tight he can't shrug his shoulders a bit... that goes a long way to keeping the blood flowing. As the scene progresses, take note if he seems to be flexing his hands excessively and check the temperature of each hand by holding and massaging it. Cold hands mean loss of circulation.
3) Once your subject's arms are secured, go back to those places on his torso that got the greatest response and give them extended attention. I particularly suggest gentle tongue lapping of the nipple and the skin immediately around the nipple, gentle tickling fingertips in the pits and dragging fingertips up and down the biceps. Every so often, let you hand move slowly down toward his waist band, giving him the false hope that you might actually touch his needy cock. You could also put a hand on his thigh while you lick his chest, perhaps even tickling at his balls ever so briefly. But NO COCK CONTACT YET. Play about like this for ten minutes or so and then move on.
4) Careful not to touch his cock with your hands, remove his underwear and secure his legs. You'll want them as far apart as possible without causing your subject discomfort. Once secured, give each foot a massage in your warm hands (I often ask my subject if my hands feel warm and tell him to think about how warm they will feel on his cock...), after which you may slowly tease up his legs, giving careful attention to his calves, knees and thighs, until you have crawled up between his legs. Exhale your warm breath on his balls a dozen or so times and then very, very, VERY lightly begin tickling his balls. Stay on them for at least three minutes (in other words, really tease the hell out of them). You will want to touch his cock very badly... RESIST THE URGE. I like to keep teasing his balls (and under his balls... and through his pubic bush… and over to his hips… and down his thighs...) until I get an audible sign that he is going crazy for his cock to be touched. And then…
5) I use a very soft make-up brush, the type that a woman would use to put on blush, and gently start teasing and dusting and tickling JUST THE LOWER HALF of his cock shaft. If you don't have such a brush, you can use your fingertips, but stay away from his cock head until he whimpers with need and frustration. I use the brush on that lower half of his shaft, on the balls, on his taint, his thighs, his hips, even on his nipples and stomach and arms… just about everywhere but that (usually, by now) dripping cock head. Once I get a little sincere whimpering and begging, I will use JUST THE BRUSH to begin teasing the holy hell out of his frenum and his corona. Over and over with just the soft bristles I will dust and paint his cock head with his own precum! The really neat thing about this technique is that it keeps making the cock more and more sensitive without your subject being able to tell, until...
6) Once you feel your subject is truly desperate for some skin-to-skin contact, you may put away the brush and get your dominant hand well lubed-up. Using your other, un-lubed hand, grasp the base of your subject's cock between your thumb and forefinger and use your other fingers to firmly cup his balls. Starting as far down the staff as possible, grip the cock with your lubed hand and slowly slide up and off of your subject's cock. Do this a minimum of 50 times, sliding up and off (that is, stroking in only one direction).
7) Re-wet the cock with the spray bottle and begin to experiment with different stroking - a backhanded grip, a twisting stroke, an up-and-down stroke, a flat palm pressed up against just the underbelly of the cock, the soft palm against just the back of the cock head (careful with this one… it can really be torture to a sensitive cock head). The important things to remember at this stage are: DON'T FLIT AROUND and STROKE VERY SLOWLY. By don't flit around, I mean pick a different style stroke and stick with it for a while; a good rule of thumb is at least 50 unchanging strokes before you move on to a different kind of stroke. Stroking very slowly speaks for itself.
NOTE: At this stage, you may actually be getting your subject close to orgasm. Signs of this would be:
Increased, repetitive hip pumping
Continually flexed ass cheeks
(vs. ass cheeks that flex and relax, flex and relax) Continually flexed feet and curled toes
Continually clenched fists
The holding of breath
A flush of the face, neck and upper chest
Increased, sustained rigidity
A flaring of the cockhead
Now is a good time to tell your subject, "You will not cum without permission. If you feel you are even getting close to cumming, you will tell me immediately. You will NOT tell me as you begin to shoot. You will ask me for permission long before the need to shoot. Failure to ask permission may result in some very intense teasing of your cock head after you cum. Do you understand?"
If you sense or if your subject tells you he is close, stop stroking and move immediately to the thighs or the arms or the nipples or the pits (wherever your subject seemed the most erotically charged) and spend some time there. Alternately, you can stop stroking, count to 30, then begin a slow teasing ball massage for the next two minutes.
8) After you have had to stop in order to avoid orgasm at least six times, you may introduce the poppers. After wiping off your hands (the towel and the wash cloth come in very handy here), hold your subject's head up a bit and pinch off the opposite nostril, allowing your subject a good snort in each nostril. Repeat for a second snort in each nostril. The time it takes you to close the bottle, lube up both hands and get back between your subject's legs is just about perfect for the poppers to do their work. Before I touch the needy cock, I generally asked my subject how badly he wants to be stroked "right now," and describe "how close my slick, warm hands are to your dripping cock." The poppers make the edging sensations about 10 times more powerful and the effects last for about five good minutes. Make the most of the slightly less rigid cock and really twist and wind and tease and massage and work your subject's dick. If he is anything like my subjects, he will be moaning and gasping and writhing and cussing... and in total bliss.
9) Once the poppers have worn off (you will be able to tell because your subject will be far calmer and more docile as he experiences your manipulations) , have fun and play around with speeds and techniques. Give your subject three good strokes, up and down, then play with his balls for 20 seconds, then three more strokes and 20 seconds more ball play... over and over. Hold a vibrator at the base of his cock and slowly move it up to the frenum... then back down, just as slowly... over and over. Hold that same vibrator against his ass lips as you tease his cock head. Grease up the forefinger of your non-stroking hand with KY and gently press and rub at his prostate while you lightly stroke with the other hand. In other words, edge the poor bastard, until he begs!
10) At this point, you can repeat the poppers, but not until 30 minutes have gone by since the last snorts. Also, don't go back to the poppers more than twice, for a total of three time (maybe thrice, for a total of four times). Once the poppers wear off, go back to edging the poor bastard until he weeps to be allowed to cum. Then edge him a little more to make sure he's sincere!
11) Finally, when you have decided he has "suffered" enough, set up a nice steady, medium-speed stroke that goes up and down and up and down until your subject explodes like a roman candle. After he has cum, continue to stroke his cock BUT NOT OVER THE SENSITIVE COCKHEAD (unless you're a total bastard [or bitch, as the case may be]) and at about half the speed. Do this until his power of coherent speech returns!