But the husbands also need to be honest about his needs and desires first and discuss the difference in approach to sex. After that her position which is denying you of sex while forcing monogamy will become clear. Well but then now she could call you sex addict.. dirty perv or
awful chauvinist. sigh

I think the hobby saved many marriages by men not having an affairs and completely destroying families as the result. That is definitely one of many unofficial benefits hobby contribute to our society.

what are the statistics on asexual wives who change and relearn healthy desire? mine never did. i tried EVERYTHING and in the end just had wasted years. for husbands with kids, they should quit the frustration early when a wife plays this. just be a good man and good father, while fucking whatever and whomever you want on the side. don't even hide it from the wife for there is nothing to sneak about.

Ding! Ding! Ding! And we have another lucky winner!

I found it to work even with unrelated housemates.

So....
After 20 years of marraige. Got the Career, the house, the kids, the car, blah blah blah...

"THIS IS A BITCH RANT"

After listening to my wife gloat and prance around in her favorite summer dress (that she finally fit into after intensive dieting). she winks at me seductively as she peels it off and gets into her robe. Well guys, I was in the middle of doing yardwork and she flashes me through the back window...

I say to myself "Self!!! this is going to be a good day!"

I mentioned to her that I love that dress and that it would be so fun to just lift that baby up (she goes commando underneith) and have my way with her, she just giggled and walked away blushing.

Thoughout the day, she kept hinting at me with these sexual overtones added in..."Honey these strawberries in our garden would look good me with whipped cream"....

As I finished my days work and showered to prepare to take her out for her 44th birthday dinner, I was shocked (well not really) to find her in Jeans, red blouse and sneakers. I asked "what happpened to the dress?" she commented that it was getting chilly and she didn't want to be cold tonight.... Guess that screwed getting laid on the beach fantasy!!!!

Sitting at Phil's in Moss Landing last night during our dinner, we struck up a conversation of which usually includes "SEX" and I had an epiphany!!! Finally!!!! I was finally able to put 2 and 2 together!!!

as our converstion went on I learned:

1. She takes the lead in our sexual escapes to control the type and situation (whether It suits my need or not)meaning sexual position wise.

2. she gives me head just to satisfy me and she actually finds oral sex (both ways) disgusting and nasty.

3. She is never going to change.

Now guys... I know what your saying... "Dump her ass" but really she is a sweet and true gal, I would'nt trade her for a million bucks because this has a silver lining.

When we first got together over 20 plus years ago, her only rule was
"Don't ever let me catch you cheating on me"..."CATCH YOU".....

Epiphany..... She doesn't give a rats ass what I do when I am away, as long as I come home, provide, protect and love her!!!!

Great! I have been away from RB for a month ot two because I was trying to quit the hobby.

BUT FUCK IT! I'M IN!

Her loss, Is my gain and she wants to be ignorant about it?

SO BE IT!
If quizzes are quizzical, what are test?

http://forum.myredbook.com/dcforum2/DCForumID10/2997.html

If my wife, God rest her soul, would have worn a sexy outfit, had a seductive look in her eyes, flashed me through the window, etc., it's a safe bet that I would have ditched the shovel, hit the shower, and ravished the sam-hill out of her!!

Here's what I've found in being married to basically an iceberg for 25 years; women are moody. Their moods can change in an instant. They have very little control over their moods.

Strike when the iron is hot! Get it while it's still there. If us guys don't act almost instantly, her mood will certainly change, and we'll miss out.

I certainly don't mean any offense here, but I would have jumped on that right away. Literally as well as figuratively.

It's like doing a subject that you know gives you a problem... there is a point that you gop until you hit a brick wall and will go no farther. She hits that wall every time.

However...If she is drunk then all bets are out the window, she does it all,But she is a terrible drunk (hangover, sickness, etc...)

she is a 1 or 10 drinker.

If quizzes are quizzical, what are test?

I admit that I had a few rough years dealing with ailing parents, working a full time job 9 hours a day plus lots of overtime, along with my own health problems and peri-menopause. Went to a doctor but didn't get the help I needed. Also my husband would come home and stay on the computer for hours at a time. He never had time to help me or to talk to me.

When I discovered his hobbying, I made him talk. Well, I guess you'd say he talked to me. I still have to drag his feelings out of him. I always said if I caught him cheating, I'd cut off his balls and leave him. Well, I did neither because for some stupid reason I still love him. I felt I was partially to blame so I decided to change and I have done a complete turn around. Too bad he has turned around too. Now he's not as interested in sex. He had some health problems (the same ones I had minus the menopause) and a low T level. We took care of the health problems and the T Level but he still lacks interest in sex.

I've done everything he's asked me to do. Blow jobs, no underwear, handcuffs, sex outdoors, dressing up, getting DATY, which he says he loves to do but getting it from him takes an act of GOD, you name it and I've tried it. He wants me to be agressive and pursue him but when I do, he's too tired, his back hurts, his allergies are bothering him, blah, blah, blah. He sends out the negative vibes and I'm tired of trying.

Being retired (both of us) allows for plenty of playtime. Too bad he's not interested. I keep thinking that I should find a playmate the same as he did when I had my problems and lacked interest. I guess I'm just too old fashioned to act on it. I took vows 40 years ago and I've stuck with them even though he didn't. When we do make love, it's all about his needs. He rarely takes the time to actually make love to me. He can't understand why I can't get off within 15-20 minutes. I tell him I need some mental stimulation along with the physical but he doesn't give it.

Knowing what I know now, I try to tell my daughter, without letting her know her dad cheated on me for years, how important making love to our husbands is. Heck, I've said it several times on these boards.

The most important thing about marriage and sex is communication and how you communicate. If you can't sit down and discuss your feelings without showing anger and ask your wife what her true feelings are, how are you going to be able to help each other? If your wife does all of the housework and has a full time job and you offer her no help......why would she want to please you? It's a two way street.

I've certainly learned a lot about the way you men think by reading these boards. It saddens me that you think all wives are bitches. That is not the case. And not all men are jerks either. Thanks for letting me share my feelings.

Luvs2

Dr. Laura actually advocates that there is 1 stay at home parent. Doesn't matter if it's the mom or dad.

I have been married for 18 years. After the second child was born my wife lost her sex drive. She is also on depression meds (Wellbutrin). We have talked this through for years now and I have long accepted that this is the way it is going to be.

If I push this issue anymore I may risk breaking up my family and I do not wish to do that. My youngest is 12 and when he is out of the house I will no longer be bound in this way.

She is a stay at home mom (her choice) and a good one at that. I make enough to give her a good life with trips and good fun. She says she is happy and knows this is a problem but she really does not understand why this is a big issue for me even though I have clearly stated it is.

This is the only reason I hobby. This hobby helps keep me fill the gap and in my opinion has made staying with my wife easier.

My wife will be shocked to learn that I will leave but that time will come and maybe with threat of divorce she will then understand. Today I can not afford that risk but tomorrow I can.

and yes, I do lots of things to help her including helping around the house, cooking dinner 2x/week, remembering mothers day and her birthday.

Dr, Laura is VERY correct here but few wives will accept this.

racecar spelled backwards is racecar.

I'm not a hobbyist, yet. But I've been w/o for 16 months now.
Prior to that, it was 19 months and then 9 again. It's been a long few years.

My wife's health is poor. Sleep at 9 or 8PM.
Low energy and none for me, or my needs.

I've been considering the hobby for almost a year now.

There are some women, and probably men too, where there simply is no
desire for sex. Whether that is mental or physical is nearly irrelevant.
It just is and the partner has to deal with that, somehow.

But this article touches on a real problem.
This site proposes a solution.

If a few more idiot politicians and maybe society in general could understand this simple concept, I think a lot of people would be MUCH less stressed.

Regards,
OrangeJuice

racecar spelled backwards is racecar.

What you are saying could not be more EXACT to what I am going through and feeling. At times I feel a little down about it all but all in all I am a happy and positive guy and my kids are great and my wife is great (outside of the bedroom) and feel it would be selfish to leave for lack of sex only, if she were a raging bitch or something I would be out of here too. This seems like an epidemic, what is the solution?

Dean

I answered a female looking and she had over 100 responses and she pulled the ad down.

So here I am making the best of a situation. There are some great ladies here and it fills a void in more than just the expected way but does NOT replace what I wish I had.

All and all though life is good so I am not complaining. There are far more of us guys in this situation than anyone dare admit.

racecar spelled backwards is racecar.