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Reading Topic #2995

sbstud88
Member since 9-Dec-06
21 posts
02-May-10, 07:04 AM (PST)
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"Need to get a civilian girlfriend"
 
Have been a hobbyist for around 7 years now...How the time flies...During 2009 I tried to place myself on a one a month diet- but as 2010 rolled around I realized that was futile...given that I am not getting laid through other means, it is not possible to limit myself to one pop per month that is not self imposed...yes I try and convince myself that every time I spank it, I am saving $100+, but that only goes so far....

On to my real question, given that hobbying essentially ruined my marriage, am wondering if there is a chance that I could give it up should I meet someone....I don't think so, and thus the dilemma. I really don't want to go down this path again of being in a relationship and hobbying on the side...fortunately there is a married woman that I am spending time with, and maybe I can start hitting that and then I wouldn't have to worry about the guilt of hobbying.

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avatar avatar rating
Member since 20-Jul-07
231 posts, 6 feedbacks, 12 points
02-May-10, 07:56 AM (PST)
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2. "RE: Need to get a civilian girlfriend"
In response to message #0
 
   go to dating sites.

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thegateway thegateway rating
Member since 19-Dec-06
197 posts, 2 feedbacks, 4 points
10-Jun-10, 02:01 PM (PST)
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10. "RE: Need to get a civilian girlfriend"
In response to message #2
 
   collarme dot com

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AMPFan AMPFan rating
Charter Member
12147 posts, 139 feedbacks, 256 points
02-May-10, 08:09 AM (PST)
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3. "RE: Need to get a civilian girlfriend"
In response to message #0
 
> wondering if there is a chance that I could give it up should I meet someone

You already destroyed your own marriage and you're busy trying to figure out how to destroy your lady friend's marriage too. Do you really need our help answering that question?

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oralio oralio rating
Member since 1-Dec-03
40979 posts, 145 feedbacks, 239 points
02-May-10, 09:21 AM (PST)
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5. "RE: Need to get a civilian girlfriend"
In response to message #0
 
If you want civvies but don't want an SO, then be prepared to make a serious hobby of craigslist and paid sites like adultfriendseeker and similar. They are mostly BS, but there are pearls to be found within. But they require solid writing skills, endless hours of daily trolling, good photos, and good appearance helps too. Plus, dogged perseverance when you make appointments at starbucks, and she flakes on you.

I don't know how old you are, but there's also the possibility of waiting a few years until you're mature enough to make decisions to have an SO and be able to stick with that.

Or, if you absolutely must, then get an SO and become more skilled at hiding your hobbying from her. But that's an unwise strategy to undertake.

Be the change
you wish to see

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thruxton thruxton rating
Member since 7-Jun-08
349 posts, 5 feedbacks, 9 points
04-May-10, 07:52 PM (PST)
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6. "RE: Need to get a civilian girlfriend"
In response to message #0
 
>On to my real question, given that hobbying essentially
>ruined my marriage, am wondering if there is a chance that I
>could give it up should I meet someone....I don't think so,
>and thus the dilemma.

you may have the coolidge effect and thus should never bother dating real women. is your question really about saving money?

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arbiez_temp arbiez_temp rating
Charter Member
3066 posts, 54 feedbacks, 102 points
05-May-10, 03:37 PM (PST)
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7. "RE: Need to get a civilian girlfriend"
In response to message #0
 
   LAST EDITED ON 05-May-10 AT 03:44 PM (PST)
 
Look in the mirror and ask yourself . . .
Why do you want a girlfriend? (You didn't explain that in this post.)
What do you want in a girlfriend?
...then ask yourself . . .
What do seek in a provider or hobby in general?
What is it specifically that you feel guilty about?

What I read is that you want regular/frequent sex. You don't mention an emotional commitment to said GF/SO, but you mention guilt for hobby. IMO . . .
...sex is not a reason to get married or have a GF.
...desire for sex is not a reason to feel guilty.
...if you want sex, search for sex.
...if you want an emotional connection, get a GF.

**'hitting' the married women alleviates guilt from hobby but what about guilt of potentially breaking up her marriage??? (IMO, logic says you shouldn't feel guilty about either or feel guilty about both. I'm with the former.)

An alternative solution might be to find a long-term f-ck buddy or GF who seeks open-ended relationship. If not, you're only repeating the same thing.

To me, it sounds like you have something else to flush out.

Finally, why is it that you think hobbying "ruined your marriage"?
...Did she find out you were hobbying?
...Did you get a goodly amount of sex in marriage and just want a variety? (have cake and eat too)
...Did she not want sex with you (or only certain acts) and you sought out sex elsewhere? (if so, why is that solely your fault?)

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rachelsonoma1
Member since 18-Jan-10
09-May-10, 10:38 AM (PST)
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8. "RE: Need to get a civilian girlfriend"
In response to message #0
 
   Having a real relationship takes work. Everyone says that but they never say what the work is exactly. It is being honest and up front about your needs and what you can offer. It is being emotionally open. Be an open book: "I miss you, I want to see you." If you have played games in the past, stop. Replace that behavior with transparancy, allowing yourself to be known.

Show appreciation, do nice things for her. It doesn't have to cost money. When a guy stops at the side of the road, picks a wildflower, gives it to me, and tells me that it pales in comparison to my beauty, that is a good day.

I do relationship counseling which has resulted from providing to men who thought they needed Domination but really needed counseling to make their relationships work. Inbox me if you want to talk about it.

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FunsterM FunsterM rating
Member since 6-Oct-07
299 posts, 2 feedbacks, 4 points
09-May-10, 12:05 PM (PST)
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9. "RE: Need to get a civilian girlfriend"
In response to message #8
 
   Very good advise!

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culo
Member since 18-Oct-08
920 posts
10-Jun-10, 02:35 PM (PST)
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11. "RE: Need to get a civilian girlfriend"
In response to message #0
 
  
How old are you? Why

If mongering ruined your marriage already, and you have not been able to control your mongering when you tried - then I predict you are not going to succeed this time either. The old bromide that the 'right' girl can cure you is BS.

I suggest you get yourself right before you venture into an LTR with someone. Once you have your head on straight, then you look for the girl. Trying to do it any other way will lead to disaster.

I go thru phases. I play it straight and date straight girls. Then I switch to mongering. Then back. Mixing the two is a recipe for disaster.


culo is a culo

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CLingus CLingus rating
Member since 30-Apr-10
1088 posts, 14 feedbacks, 23 points
11-Jun-10, 05:51 PM (PST)
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12. "guilt of hobbying ?"
In response to message #0
 
But no guilt about fucking another man's wife. Cool. Too deep for me.

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golfscotland golfscotland rating
Member since 22-Dec-04
2505 posts, 32 feedbacks, 62 points
24-Jun-10, 00:37 AM (PST)
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13. "RE: Need to get a civilian girlfriend"
In response to message #0
 
   Take up night golf. And remember to pack a piece.

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194670
Member since 5-Sep-08
4648 posts
24-Jun-10, 10:55 PM (PST)
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14. "RE: Need to get a civilian girlfriend"
In response to message #0
 
Dude listen to your self!!!!!

"fortunately there is a married woman that I am spending time with"

Leave that shit alone!!!!! Don't shit in another mans litter box


"hobbying essentially ruined my marriage"

Go seek therapy if you really want change in your life!!!!!!

I know for me as long as I'm hobbying there is almost no chance for me to be in a real relationship!!!!

It is most likely the same for you as well.

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pohaku pohaku rating
Member since 25-Dec-03
6858 posts, 151 feedbacks, 272 points
25-Jun-10, 00:29 AM (PST)
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15. "RE: Need to get a civilian girlfriend"
In response to message #0
 
   Maybe its best you stop hobby first.. then find someone.

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