Because of being private and quiet, I tend to keep everyone away cause I don't talk or chat, this includes my family, SO, Kids. It's been years.

Now we are told that my dad's cancer is back and spreads to his bones which will have only about a month to go.
Though, I love my folks to death, I had not been close nor being able to talk, chat, or spend much time with them.
Don't know if I can change this last month of his, But I guess I need to do.

Have a great day you all.

Always Seeking.

I'm genuinely sorry to hear about this. No matter what the relationship, it's always sad when our parents near the end of their lives.

In the event you're looking for advice and not simply venting, please take this opportunity to connect with your dad in any way that you can. You will regret the missed chance later if you don't. You both have an opportunity to set aside all of the friction and distance that accumulates between father and son and just be together at the end of his days. Even if he doesn't do this you still can.

You won't be able to heal all of the resentments that may have built up over the years, nor should you try--now is not the time to talk out and negotiate past grievances. Just go and be with him. Talk to him about the things he likes to talk about, give him the news of your life, and just...be with him. If he wants to go deeper and talk about dying, let him--he's likely to be scared about it but may not let it show. Go with it--it will be difficult to talk about but ultimately rewarding for both of you.

Remember that at one time you were his little boy, the center of his world. In your eyes he was bigger than Superman--if you have kids of your own you know what I mean. Let your mind and heart go back to those times. I would guess that you're not the type to show your emotions, but now is not the time to be overly stoic--go ahead and weep. Soften your heart, help him to be comfortable and at peace, and savor these last days with him.

I'm sorry if you found this advice to be intrusive. I have been where you are and live with the regrets of not spending more time or saying some important things, and my hope is that you might be able to avoid this.

I wish you well.

not sure exactly how long he's been dead. a couple years i guess, and i feel no sense of loss beyond what had already been missed. he was never a father; dead or alive made no difference.

now i don't know your situation but you'll know what to do. if that includes reaching out then so be it. just don't expect anything beyond saying goodbye because some people - like my dad - don't have that hollywood ending on the death bed. my brother did make contact and stayed to the end just to give my father a chance to say he was sorry for being suck a selfish prick his whole life. dad never changed and my brother was OK with that. it was pitiful, of course, but because my brother was there for the right reason it turned out fine for him.

Thanks, Hal for sharing a bit o' wisdom.

Seeker, if I read your message correctly, your concern is related more to your own private nature, rather than anything you dad may or may not have done.

You say you love your folks, so one thing you might consider doing is writing them a letter describing how you feel. As an initial step, this might be easier than a phone call or a visit. You could then make personal contact knowing that the essential message had already been communicated, and the process of reconnecting with the family circle would be less burdensome.

No matter how things turn out, you will never fault yourself for not making the effort.

Do it soon, though.

peas,
Aprime

Always Seeking.

Bring him drinks when he is thirsty.. get him few treats he could enjoy.
Watch TV with him and tuck him in when he is sleepy.

Just be there for him.

No matter how difficult, painful or sad. Moment of passing is peaceful and full of dignity.. do not look away.

I wish you both peace and love for the important times together.