LAST EDITED ON 13-Mar-10 AT 01:38 PM (PST)
When I first started going to clubs there was no such thing as lap dances, for in those days lap dances had not yet been invented. And tell you the truth; I don't remember my first lap, but I do remember the first one I got in SF. Yep, I'll never forget that night. It was the summer of 96, we had been trying to pass ride to Hawaii and had gotten as far as LA. But we had been bumped off plane after plane packed with Hawaiians and servicemen going back home from the west coast or Vegas. An agent with United told us that there was a 767 with fifty empty seats in SFO. The plane would be leaving late that afternoon but if we could find our way there in time we would have a much better chance of getting to Hawaii. Back then our airline had a suttle between LAX and SFO that took off every hour, so we jumped on one and got to SF with just barely enough time to reach the gate. However, there were at least fifty people standing there trying to pass ride too. None of us or any of them got on that plane. We decided to spend a few days in SF and try again later.
That night, after dinner with old friends and being introduced to that Japanese drink Saki, (wow, thats some powerful stuff) I was heading to the Regal theater when I walked passed the CH. A gorgeous asian girl (short, but stacked) was standing in the front by the counter. I had never been in the CH, but this girl looked too good to pass up and I had to have her so I talked to the guy behind the counter and he told me how things worked. It sounded ok to me so I paid the cover and walked in.
I saw that same asian girl sitting by herself up close to the DJ booth. So I ploped down beside her and began to talk to her. She told me about the laps and the booths in the back, quoted prices which were l lot less than they are today. But she could not dance for me right then because she was on a brake. "So I asked how long was her break?" She said it was going to be a long break, and all but told me to get lost. I told her I did not have much time but I had to have a dance from her. She then told me that she did not dance for "White Foreign devils."
Even though that hurt my feelings and pissed me off, I now I had to have her even more. I said to her "look, I don't have much time, but you are driving me crazy, I have have to get a dance from you, I'll do anything for you." "Anything?" she asked. Thinking that she would demand more money I said back to her "Anything." "OK" she said, if you walk naked across Market Street I will give you a dance."
Ah gee, now I have really stepped into it. No way I can do that, but if I don't do it, I will never be able to come into this club again. Then I thought to myself, "you know, I am a long way from home and people do crazy stuff here in SF all the time. As long as a cop does not come by I may get away with it. "Can I keep my shoes on?" She said yes.
So now I am standing out on Market street with this girl and some of her dancer friends. They are laughing their asses off and telling me to hurry up. It's late and not much traffic. I wait until there are no cars. Off come the shirt, pants and whitie tighties and I start sprinting across Market. The Bums standing on the corner start cheering and pointing at me. The girls start yelling "no running! no running!" But I ignore them and run as fast as I can. Some dude walking on the other side of Market sees me and stopes in his tracks, mouth agape, eyes as big as dinner plates, he must think I am attacking him or something.
Ah gee, cars are beginning to approach in both directions as I reach the other side of the street. The poor dude with his mouth agape looks like he is about to shit in his pants. I notice a bag about the size of a pillow case right at the curb in front of me. I decide to pick it up and try to use it to hide my privates as I run back to the CH side of the street. God, whats in this bag, it's filled to the top with someitng and it's heavier that I thought it would be, but I carry it back anyway as it does offer me some cover.
By the time I reach the relative safty of the sidewalk people are pouring out of the CH too see what is going on. The manager is screaming at the girls to get back inside. "You will have every cop in SF on us" he keeps yelling. The girl and her friends are still laughing and high fiveing each other as I quckly get dressed.
"Hey, what's in the bag, it's full right up to the top" said the asian girl. "I don't know, but I am sure glad I found it when I did, why don't to take a look." Guys, you know what that bag was full of? It was full of shit, just like this story.