I don't know why it's so hard to figure out why he cheated. It seems kind of obvious to me.

Here we have a married couple that live apart for long periods of time when she has to go on-location to film a new movie, (as she was doing when Jessie was banging that tattooed chick, and apparently others). Meanwhile, successful hubby is working/living on the other side of the country and because he's some kind of celebrity-type with $, that makes him attractive to a lot of women.
One thing leads to another and...

I'm not trying to make excuses for his behavior or anything, but it doesn't take some scientific or psychological study to figure out what was going on here, does it?

xoxox
MB

I just don't think marriage works, as it seems in conflict with our natural instincts: like it or not, we are wild animals/mammals on this planet. And because we are wild animals/mammals, we crave variety, in ALL forms: What we eat, the clothers we wear, the entertainment we seek, etc, etc. I think what's happened to us, is alike what's happened to our pets: We've become domesticated, by society, our peers, religion and the media. Our lives have become this mosaic of 'shoulds', 'have to', and duty to the rules'. Who made these rules, anyway, and why do we blindly follow them? We've all bought into the 'Big Lie' of what marriage will bring us. Often times, it doesn't meet our expectations, and honestly, how could it?

The only marriages/relationships that I've known to truly work are ones where there is an environment of openness. In these relationships and marriages, there is an open door policy to enjoy other partners, but with the understanding and agreement that the spouse be sexually safe. Honesty is nurtured, and both partners are fulfilled, not only in their marriage, but sexually, as well. Some call this 'polyamory', 'swinging', or what have you. Semantics or labels set aside, it boils down to a healthy relationship that encourages variety, because anything else is simply setting the relationship/marriage up for failure, based on a outmoded, antiquated rule. Not to mention, marriage was originally designed for monetary reasons: chattel, dowries, and holding the line of wealth and royalty within arranged marriages.

What happens when you shut off sex, in a marriage and/or relationship? (And a lack of sexual drive can happen on both sides of the fence, gents, though, because of changes in a woman's body, it seems to lean towards the woman not showing a great interest in sex down the road) It creates tension, yes? It's an important component to the human experience, and IMO, sex is just as important as any of the basic human needs. SO, the male will seek sex elsewhere. Can you blame him? No, not at all. I would do the same thing! Oddly, infidelity happens in the 'happiest' of marriages. More on that, in a moment.

How many marriages/relationships do you know that have an environment of openness? I, myself, only know of a small handful of friends who have one, and sadly, SO many people, people I know, who don't have that openness, have divorced. Often over the issue of sex (often because of lack thereof), or that infidelity had taken place. I've known friends to be happily married, but quietly, one or the other is sneaking around, cheating on the side. Why? Because, it comes back to our human experience and drive, for variety.

I don't want to eat the same meal everyday, travel to the same destinations, or watch the same film. I want to experience lots of different things in my short time on this planet, and I just can't see how tethering myself to ONE person, for the rest of my life, could fulfill my drive for variety. It seems counterintuitive, at best.

Big love,
DreuCMT

You stated:
<<I just don't think marriage works, >>
-----------------

Driving a car fails? I bet EVERYONE YOU KNOW
HAS BEEN IN AN AUTO ACCIDENT.

I did not read your whole post, I stopped at your phrase
<I just don't think marriage works >

So marriage does not fail, it's a word and it's a
idea that has evolved over time, it's the people
that don't know how to use marriage properly
as they don't know how to use their computers/software.

Almost adults have a conscious brain/mind
and know they are doing right from wrong
and these adults know they are getting into a
sexual relationship before they find out
if they are compatible for marriage.

There are marriages that work? Yes?

So what you disagree on is what percentage of marriages work? Yes?
Since probably 50% of marriages fail. Yes?

I would ask you, why do many marriages fail in the first place?
Do you agree that too many immature emotionally people have
sex way too soon before getting married? Yes or no?

Marriage is an economic agreement as well as a sexual agreement? Yes?

Look at technology, if you applied your view of marriage to
technology then you would say, "computers and software don't work
because they fail.
Microsoft Windows fails because a zillion people that don't know
how to use computers started downloading crap, vs apple users
are far less and more educated users in a small amount.

You would say, Windows O/S don't work, yet most people
use Windows 0/S.

Let's look at the illegal alien issue at the border, people say
putting up a fence would not work, because they can use a ladder.
It's the percentage your not happy with.
No one said putting up a fence is supposed to stop 100% of illegals
crossing the border.

--------------
I will recap, marriage does work and is working for people,
it's the percentage of marriages that have divorced.

Do you know how many have gotten married too soon?
I don't have the numbers in front of me.
Ask the men here who are cheating on their wives
if they got married too soon.

Do you agree that marriage requires some sort of
compatibility first and that this compatibility
is what is not found out first is the main cause
of failed marriages?

Would you not agree that there is a 3 month infatuation
phase of a relationship between and man and a woman?

Many failed marriages did not discuss what the
2 people have beliefs in regarding, sex, money
religion/faith or amount of children.

Marriage is fine and working is the people are not
working to have a good partner to get married.

How about you and I take a poll of men on redbook
and see how many people did not meet certain
criteria before getting married?

--------------------------------------
I understand you like many sex partners and
do not want to tether yourself to one person
but I will repeat what you stated,
<I just don't think marriage works>

Now after you reading the beginning of this post
do you think it's people that are getting married that are
not compatible in the first place?

I am not asking you if everyone likes multiple sex partners.

I am not asking you why some people are not satisfied
sexually and can't find a mate to satisfy them sexually.

I've gotten many many fbsm massages from wise women
lived a place that did fbsm, been to massage school,
tantra events, dated women that did fbsm, lived
with a stripper turned lawyer, lived with a lesbian
masseuse, helped a lady set up a fbsm biz.
been there done that.
I quit for 10 years having sex, and getting massages etc.
Why? Because I wanted to evolve as a human being
and a man,
and grow up beyond fucking.
Fucking and getting fbsm isn't what many men claim it
is all cracked up to be. I suggest many of your
clients are lonely workaholics, I'm sure some are
happy, healthy smart men.
Putting thousands of dollars into fucking and getting
fbsm and not a penny into actually seeking a happy
and emotionally healthy relationship is absurd
and highly disfunctional.

FYI, 15 years ago I told the fbsm ladies to get a
cmt license and sort their clients for potential
fbsm, guess what that's what they are doing now.

Here is a few books for you to read with your friends.

- The Way of The Superior Man, David Deida

- Bradshaw On: The Family: (this book shows how we
keep maintaning the disfunctional family system)

- The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Dr Laura
(Give this to your clients that are cheating on their wives)

Why do men cheat, because they can.

Why did all those women fuck Tiger Woods
even though they knew he was married? Because
they could.

Sexual impulses isn't healthy.

I suggest you apply your sexual impluses
and behavior to food.

Do you eat anything? Probably not,

Look at the post's of men in fbsm forum who say
"gosh I hired a 5 star provider, and the service sucked".
Why do you think that is?
Emotional connection?
Sexual connection?

At some point emotions and emotional maturity
are part of sex are they not?

How many sexual partners does one need in a lifetime?
How many people have herpes? Do you know? I don't.

So fuck away if your happy with it.

The analogies with cars and computers don't work at all.

And to assume because the divorce rate is 50%...that 50% of marriages do work, is also a HUGE leap.

Your perspective, of course, is legitimate....I am not arguing with your conclusions....it's just that your reasoning is quite suspect. In addition, anyone who begins a post by stating that he has not completely read the one to whom he responds, is basically disrespectful. How can you comment on Dreu's post if you have only read an easy-to-misunderstand statement about the general failure of marriage?

You gave no true reflection to Dreu's arguments at all.

But consider if you are being a hypocrite. Are you fucking and yet if you wife goes and get some ...is that a bad thing?

Or are you all for her getting some as well and keep it only quiet because she isnt into it? but then if she does show some entrance do you encourage her to pursue it?

My experience with cheating partners are that they want to keep me in a cage and yet they want to be free to play....yet that's just not quite fair is it?

http://classifieds.myredbook.com/classified.php?adid=124623

Again, I may be flamed into tomorrow for what I'm about to say here. Flame away, if you must:

I don't necessarily believe men lack some of the social restraint women have: I think it falls under the umbrella of discretion. See, I think women have learned how to play the game better, and learned how to be discreet. Women, by and large, aren't as impulsive about sex. While men are, admittedly, more logical in matters of the mind, I don't believe they are that logical, when it comes to sex. Women, while being a bit more emotional, are more pragmatic when it comes to fucking around, and how to do it well, nearly sight unseen.

Edit: I misspelled discreet.

Big love,
DreuCMT

Women have the good girl syndrome they are burdened with and restrained by. Men generally do not have the equivalent.

Be the change
you wish to see

Seeing so many friends divorce over time is painful. Some never should have married in the first place, but to see where their lives went off the rails is painful, hard for everyone, including the friends who tried in vain to help. Even a level of openness would not have saved some of these marriages of which I speak. But I do like the thought, and as another wrote, too bad that women, and men, who believe as you write are in such a minority.

No flame, just loved your comments, the intelligence behind your writing, and really really would like to meet you some day soon... ;^) Loved your sperm bank joke BTW (hah)

Beenz

Mike

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyMAfP9QKY0

Thanks!

What are you wearing, RIGHT NOW?

I love funny men! *SWOON!*

**had to do a grammar edit! I was laughing while I was typing!!**

Big love,
DreuCMT

Beenz

Can't see any reason to flame you, what you say seems pretty intuitive to me. Not to say there's uniformity (which of course you didn't say there was) -- I was married for 20 years, together a few years before that, and during that time I *wanted* to be monogamous. (Before we were married, but living together, I did have an affair, and I didn't like the way it made me feel.) The dynamics of the relationship I guess -- the guy she was with before me, whom I knew well, was totally incapable of monogamy, and so I knew what her reaction would be if I screwed around, and I didn't want that to happen. So it was the interplay of the various desires.

Once things deteriorated -- the sex first among them, but not just that -- I left rather than cheated. I still would rather have an SO, and while I think I could deal with an open relationship, I'm not sure, and I'm even less sure if I would take advantage of it even if we agreed on it. But maybe I'm testosterone-challenged . . . if that's what explains it.

Cheating men is not something new, and neither is cheating women for that matter as Dreu pointed out.

Here’s 5 reasons I can think of on the guys side:

1. Self Gratification - There are many men that need to fulfill their narcissistic nature by selfishly stepping out on their relationship in order to meet their personal needs. I actually had a friend that had an insatiable sexual desire and in his words, “his wife would never be able to satisfy those needs!” Sounds crazy, but true story! He even tried o get her to go to swing parties.

2. Think they are not hurting anyone - Not hurting anyone! I know, I know, but it’s the way a lot of men think. If their wife doesn’t find out about it, then it’s not hurting her. Well, what most men that keep up their cheating ways find out is that the truth usually comes to light at some point. And guess who always gets hurt?

3. Unhappy in Marriage – A marriage is a mutual agreement between two people and the truth is sometimes that agreement is not upheld and things start to be taken for granted. In the case where the wife stops doing the little things and takes her husband for granted, a husband may attach himself to someone else willing to give him that attention we all need. It’s not right, but it is how it happens!

4. Peer Pressure – Many men like to convey a macho image around their friends, and their usually is that one friend that outs that pressure on a man to “pursue” that that co-worker that is showing interest! Surprisingly enough, so many men crumble to that “manly” pressure that’s that! Shameful, but once again true!

5. Opportunity – It has been stated by women that the better looking your man is, the more likely he is to cheat at some point. Why? Well, the more times he is confronted with the temptation, the more chances he has to cheat. Its simple math, so combine all the factors above with so many opportunities, and sometimes that perfect storm comes along and crumbles even the strongest will.

Save the last dance for me...

Peace and Love,

Montana

That's why there's a segment of wives who make it a point to get their hubbies fat. They can't make their husbands uglier, but they can make them less sexy and less fit.

Be the change
you wish to see

My blue eyes are forever admiring your flair for the erotic senses.

Save the last dance for me...I'll be waiting.

Montana

LMAO @ colorful hussy!!!! Good one, P.

Some learn to massage, others are born to.