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Reading Topic #5866

zinbird
Member since 11-Sep-07
19 posts
27-Jun-10, 10:30 AM (PST)
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"Lack of response to emails"
 
   I peruse the ads on RB periodically looking for new and exciting dommes who fit my interests and are geographically mor accessible to me. I find a number of ads when searching for BDSM/fetish providers where those special skills are not described in the ad, so I email inquiring about their interests. I use both the stated email addresses and the RB handles in the ads, but get almost no replies to either.

Does this mean they really aren't into providing these services? I don't think I use anything offensive in my queries, and am frustrated by the lack of response. Any suggestions - especially from you providers who probably get similar emails?

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rabid_woofer rabid_woofer rating
Member since 3-Jul-07
1321 posts, 28 feedbacks, 48 points
27-Jun-10, 10:57 AM (PST)
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1. "RE: Lack of response to emails"
In response to message #0
 
LAST EDITED ON 27-Jun-10 AT 11:02 AM (PST)
 
Probably best to e-mail your interests and inquire if there is a match. Don't be afraid to ask for a referral to a Domne who might specialize in your kind of kink. And being super respectful and using proper form goes a long way. Find their website if they have one, then read & comprehend before initiating contact. If a Pro-Domne fails to reply, move on and don't waste your time. Some Domnes are quite particular as to who they accept as a client, so never takes things too personal.

Rabidwoofer

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Kajunmasseuse Kajunmasseuse rating
Member since 15-Mar-06
294 posts, 7 feedbacks, 14 points
27-Jun-10, 11:50 AM (PST)
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2. "RE: Lack of response to emails"
In response to message #1
 
In regards to Interests, Emails & Ads....

What I do personally is this;

I normally do not place all my fetishes & playstyles on my ads due to the fact that everyone has different likes, fetishes and desires.

If someone wishes to know what I do personally in a session, they may ask, inquire or view my websites for further information. We shall then speak in person on a more personal level to determine compatability.

I normally get back to all my client inquiries' within 24hours. Hopefully this answered some of your questions as stated in your inquiry.

In the interim, if you'd like to know what I do, just in-box me and I shall give you all my wonderful favorites.
Good Luck in your search!


Dominately Yours,

Supreme Mistress Kajun
Pro.Domme of Fetish & Fantasy
http://www.supremekajun1.femdommesociety.com
http://fetlife.com/users/28116

http://forum.myredbook.com/dcforum2/User_files2/q8i3ez0qi2ozfvh6.jpg

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oralio oralio rating
Member since 1-Dec-03
38983 posts, 135 feedbacks, 227 points
27-Jun-10, 01:10 PM (PST)
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3. "RE: Lack of response to emails"
In response to message #0
 
It probably means the obvious -- many providers are not responsble enough in regards to their business model to diligently answer emails. In other words, they often are just blowing you off. It's probably the rule, not the exception.

Be the change
you wish to see

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zinbird
Member since 11-Sep-07
19 posts
27-Jun-10, 04:56 PM (PST)
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4. "RE: Lack of response to emails"
In response to message #3
 
   LAST EDITED ON 27-Jun-10 AT 04:57 PM (PST)
 
Oralio, that it certainly the way it seems. Sure doesn't make any sense, unless they are just too overworked to want new business.

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Lilith Lilith rating
Charter Member
1165 posts, 10 feedbacks, 18 points
27-Jun-10, 10:12 PM (PST)
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5. "RE: Lack of response to emails"
In response to message #4
 
When I was in practice, I often got emails asking for things I specifically said I didn't do on my website. I usually would answer them very shortly with, "I'm sorry, but I don't do those things."

I would not answer further emails since I learned by experience that there were a certain number of guys who would whine at me about those items if I allowed a correspondence to develop. I don't believe that anyone ever turned into a client who started from a place I wouldn't go.

And I did, occasionally, when someone seemed just a little too "expecting" in an email, ("...and of course, there will be a happy ending to my session...") I didn't bother to answer at all. Rude, maybe, but my answer would have been, "Don't ever "expect" anything to happen in a session with me." And I would have felt annoyed at having to answer that because I've always been clear about where I was with things like that.

And I don't look down on anyone who wants to do it differently. I just reserve the right to do sessions my way. The general expectation of some sort of sex in sessions is what finally caused me to quit. I got so TIRED of negotiating a session, and then having that deal breaker popped in at the end as a "given." I see a very few of my old clients these day--very few--only the ones I really like and who are into the same things I am. I have always been lucky that I never depended on this for a living. I make and sell BDSM toys, and that's my main income. Prodomming for me was something I did because I loved it. Not that I couldn't use the money, but I did enjoy my work.

"...and you know that she's half crazy..."

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oralio oralio rating
Member since 1-Dec-03
38983 posts, 135 feedbacks, 227 points
28-Jun-10, 09:18 PM (PST)
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7. "RE: Lack of response to emails"
In response to message #4
 
LIke grey pointed out, it's typically the younger women who don't answer emails and calls, just as younger civvies do.

There are many possible reasons. It's an unfortunate part of the game, but it is what it is.

Be the change
you wish to see

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missgrey missgrey rating
Member since 11-Jan-07
178 posts, 1 feedbacks, 2 points
28-Jun-10, 08:02 PM (PST)
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6. "RE: Lack of response to emails"
In response to message #3
 
Most of the Ladies I know are religious about answering emails, but then again I know a lot of long-time, very well-established professionals so perhaps I'm biased... I guess we all have different experiences out there in this "world."

If you're confident that your messages are reflecting well upon you and the Lady doesn't respond, then I'm sorry to say that Oralio is probably right. However, there are a lot of real professionals in this area so hopefully you wouldn't need to contact too many before you would find someone who not only returns your first email, but who may very well surprise you with her intellect and charm.

I would very gently ask you to be aware that Ladies in this business get a lot of crap emails. You would hardly believe the number of emails I get that say, "What is your rate??" with no introduction. Or how about "What do I get for my $250 an hour?" Hardly the sort of inquiry that makes one leap to reply. Think about it. If a contractor or a therapist or anyone else in business received an email like that, s/he would hardly be eager to produce a quote or take that person on as a client. It's no different for sex workers, especially as the risks are higher. No, I don't blow off clients because their emails are misspelled. But if I think someone is just mass-emailing the same message to every Domme on the net, or seems completely insincere, it gives me pause.

I have actually received emails from people who say they want to spend a whole weekend in my dungeon but who can't write more than eight words when they initially contact me (I usually assume they just want to consume my time without actually desiring to play). Dommes get a lot of email from people who aren't serious, so it's important to take some time when contacting a Lady who doesn't know you yet, so she knows you aren't just looking for wank material to be delivered by her to your email inbox. It's true that pro-domination is a business, but unless one wants one's sessions to feel like the Lady is working (not very sexy!), it's probably best to treat initial contact the way you would if you were inviting someone out for the first time. Not seductive (kinda creepy), but polite and forthcoming with some information about your experience, interests, and why you chose that Lady in particular.

If you do those things and she doesn't respond, well, then I guess it's fair to assume that she's bad about replying to email (if I get a terrific email from someone I don't want to play with, I always reply, even if it's to say, "No, thanks."). I'm optimistic, however, that you'll have better luck if you're a bit persistent.

Best of luck.

Miss Grey

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Elfen Elfen rating
Member since 5-Dec-05
2103 posts, 31 feedbacks, 59 points
29-Jun-10, 10:34 AM (PST)
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8. "RE: Lack of response to emails"
In response to message #6
 
The vast majority of Dommes to whom I've sent e-mails have responded, but it is not 100%. When a Domme doesn't respond, I like to think that it is due to the volume of e-mails that she gets.

Some Dommes are very rigid about the opening e-mail. They expect you to read their ads or websites, gather all the necessary information from that and then send the appropriate inquiry. Some Dommes are very specific what your initial e-mail should contain. If you don't pay attention to the details, they may decline even to answer your e-mail.

You could try again. Before you do, though, make sure that you have thoroughly red the Domme's ad(s) and/or her web page and follow the guidelines or requirements set forth there. If you don't follow the reuqirements and aren't respectful, don't expect a reply.

Then it's time to move on.

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ubisububi
Member since 30-Aug-09
10 posts
04-Jul-10, 07:38 AM (PST)
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10. "RE: Lack of response to emails"
In response to message #6
 
   I'm happy to say that I have never failed to get a response to an email. So I would say that this posters experience is not typical of mine.

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GoddessAthena GoddessAthena rating
Member since 25-Oct-03
289 posts, 3 feedbacks, 5 points
29-Jun-10, 11:05 AM (PST)
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9. "RE: Lack of response to emails"
In response to message #0
 
Doubtful, I think most providers are more used to fielding questions over the phone. If you don't get a response through e-mail simply pick up the phone and call.

We are professional and will be happy to answer your questions. Making a phone call could very well give you a better sense of your provider as well so there is nothing to be shy about.

The Goddess Athena

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fran_cia42
Member since 13-Feb-10
14 posts
04-Jul-10, 08:54 AM (PST)
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11. "RE: Lack of response to emails"
In response to message #0
 
There are some great responses and good insight from providers in this thread. In this life I have given up the idea that one action will necessarily result in an expected reaction, especially with human interactions. You just have to keep trying. Remember that providers have to use their own gut instinct when they respond to any communication, and as Ms. Grey said, some communications don't deserve a response. And unfortunately, a lot of the males who are not wired for intelligent communication or are just looking for a rise for themselves have ruined it for the rest of us. So providers have to imagine that we all are like that until proven otherwise.

I always send a polite business like email with introduction, why I am interested, my own interests, and when I would like to meet. About 10% go unanswered. I attribute this to spam, lack of interest in what was written, email getting lost in multiple communications received that day, and perhaps some just enjoy not returning an email (though I think that is a very small number). Providers also move on in their own lives and are not static with their development. Like many of us, they are also on a journey that may take them out of the lifestyle altogether. This may just be one small facet of their being.

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rabid_woofer rabid_woofer rating
Member since 3-Jul-07
1321 posts, 28 feedbacks, 48 points
12-Jul-10, 06:54 PM (PST)
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12. "RE: Lack of response to emails"
In response to message #0
 
LAST EDITED ON 12-Jul-10 AT 06:54 PM (PST)
 
I always keep in the back of my mind, this lucid thought, that complete strangers (even sex-workers I've never met), don't owe me anything.

With fantasy, comes unreasonable expectations. And in my case it takes two people to fulfill them, but just one of us, to delude.


Rabidwoofer

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HottestLatinaLover HottestLatinaLover rating
Member since 5-Aug-05
2638 posts, 70 feedbacks, 126 points
12-Jul-10, 09:07 PM (PST)
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13. "RE: Lack of response to emails"
In response to message #0
 
I will only reply to an email a couple times. If a man is serious about an appointment he will take the initiative to contact you via other methods like, phone, text or instant messages.

Being lazy and sending out an email with no details or too many details and expecting a response does not qualify someone for an appointment with me. HE MUST CALL!

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desirelayla
Member since 13-Aug-09
344 posts
15-Jul-10, 08:30 PM (PST)
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14. "RE: Lack of response to emails"
In response to message #0
 
   LAST EDITED ON 15-Jul-10 AT 08:31 PM (PST)
 
.....

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HighSteppermoderator HighStepper rating
Member since 26-Aug-06
9107 posts, 164 feedbacks, 304 points
15-Jul-10, 08:43 PM (PST)
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15. "RE: Lack of response to emails"
In response to message #0
 
I can’t fully speak about dommes, but for some providers the situation is that someone helped them to open an RB account so they can place ads. They do their business via phone/text messages and may not even log in to the message board to check inbox messages and the email was only used to establish the RB account.


Too much sex is still not enough

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IsabelleVerdan
Member since 22-Nov-06
1053 posts
15-Jul-10, 08:46 PM (PST)
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16. "RE: Lack of response to emails"
In response to message #15
 
   I check my inbox here very rarely and I'm only available for sessions very sporadically.

In fact I just took my ad down because I need a little bit of a break...

So there are probably plenty of people who think I'm a flake but I'm really just an incredibly busy person with vanilla priorities.

If she doesn't email back don't take it personally. Just try someone else and maybe try again in the future.

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griffinmills
Member since 17-Jul-10
7 posts
17-Jul-10, 07:39 PM (PST)
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17. "RE: Lack of response to emails"
In response to message #0
 
   It's a really interesting topic actually, even from a more vanilla POV.

I'm an IT Consultant IRL and I get bombarded with requests from strangers, family and friends alike to do anything and everything computer related for them. I religiously answer every email unless it's just a, "Thanks, you rocked it!" kind of thing and obviously needs no response.

My good friend is a lawyer and he's absolutely ATROCIOUS at responding to text, phone calls and emails. I once saw him actually log in to his voice mail and just mash 7 over and over to delete everything then hang up. Funny thing is, he will sign up for any and every form of email and instant message, twitter, facebook.... any social networking or communication portal you can think of. It's like he's looking for ways to blow people off. He's a nice guy too!! Does shit pro bono all the time, I don't understand.

When I was a young man I was big into all the prototype online dating sites that were popping up. That's where I learned to be a little more thick skinned about non-response-ers. In all honesty I'd kill to be able to do the facebook "XXX likes this" one click thing for funny pictures of cats my sister sends me with her cell phone and such. Really though, if I can respond to 60 texts and emails a day about "how does I plug computer!?" then I think folks anywhere can take the time to write, "Thanks but no thanks" or something back to any polite inquiries.

Yes, many Pros have hoops they want you to jump through when you contact them. The end result of that, for me, is I get a bit effusive and wordy when I write. I don't expect them to hit me back with a 5 paragraph essay though. Maybe it would be nice if such folks had a form letter they could click up to notify folks that they may not have followed procedure.

Usually when I talk on the phone or in person I'm a bit more shy and only speak when spoken to so it's also handy to be able to express myself well in writing, at least, than not at all.

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MissCatherine MissCatherine rating
Member since 14-Mar-06
823 posts, 22 feedbacks, 40 points
26-Aug-10, 10:37 PM (PST)
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18. "RE: Lack of response to emails"
In response to message #0
 
   Since leaving the house I am notorious for ignoring RB and e-mail for months and months. Partly because I am busy, partly because I have steady play partners, and the last part because I am not interested in playing with new people who are expecting a certain kind of play from me when my moods change all the time and my play style honors what my truth is in that moment. . . with that person.

There is no way to win for me really. So I stopped caring as it is not like playing is a life dependent thing. Maybe it is best you adopt the same attitude. if someone doesn't reply - move on.

I hear lots of girls get busted too - maybe you want to avoid writing back to the ones who ignore you.

Don't take it personally because it is never a intended to be a personal insult when I do it to others.

Hope that was helpful!
Catherine
Never mistake my kindness for weakness.

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dakine12
Member since 19-Sep-10
71 posts
22-Oct-10, 09:29 AM (PST)
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19. "RE: Lack of response to emails"
In response to message #18
 
   This week I've sent two emails, as requested in the ad, to a dom. I've not requested anything that doesn't appear in her reviews. I can accept the concept that she might be very busy but when I saw a revision in her ad stating she was now available I figure she can't be to busy. So in the end to me it just means I'll spend my money on a different provider and she loses out on what could have been a valued client

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billydetroit billydetroit rating
Member since 23-Jan-07
3887 posts, 167 feedbacks, 297 points
30-Oct-10, 08:00 AM (PST)
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20. "RE: Lack of response to emails"
In response to message #19
 
LAST EDITED ON 30-Oct-10 AT 08:01 AM (PST)
 
<<This week I've sent two emails, as requested in the ad, to a dom. I've not requested anything that doesn't appear in her reviews.

Dakine12- The reviews? You should go by what SHE states her offerings are, not bunch of random guys. Don't assume just because it's mentioned in a review that it is something to ask for, or expect. much less ASK about in an email! xo bd

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um0000
Member since 21-Sep-10
66 posts
30-Oct-10, 10:29 AM (PST)
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21. "RE: Lack of response to emails"
In response to message #19
 
This lack of email replies is exactly what I have been experiencing the past month when searching for a provider who offered a specific fetish. At first I thought they were rude, then I thought they might all be on drugs, then I thought they were just too stupid to know how to run a business, but finally I realized that it's all just part of their "dom" appearance to (pretend) not not care about our money and leave us hanging. You are supposed to email or call them repeatedly to "prove" your desire and loyalty before they "allow" you to vist them, see?

As for the above providers' reply about ignoring emails where the question of a "a happy ending" was implied by the prospective customer, certainly it is your prerogative to not offer any sexual play during your sessions, but from my perspective as a horny customer who likes a little sensuality with my bdsm, most men are the same as me: we want our moneys worth, and with so many ROBs out there these days, we need some sort of assurance before hand that a release is included in our session, hence an email query.

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MssTatiana MssTatiana rating
Member since 28-May-07
391 posts, 13 feedbacks, 25 points
30-Oct-10, 01:35 PM (PST)
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22. "RE: Lack of response to emails"
In response to message #21
 
   I agree with you that it is painfully unprofessional for a Dom to try to "prove" her Dommly Dommly Dommishness by making clients chase after her.

The issue about asking for specifics sounds like a catch-22. Providers like me, who _don't_ offer hand releases (you're welcome to do so yourself, and I might even masturbate myself {or let you touch my breasts, or do anal play on you, or use my strap-on} while I watch you, but I don't do handjobs) are perfectly comfortable getting polite questions about them in emails. I just explain, nope, sorry. Providers who _do_ offer hand releases (or more) sound as though they tend to be really coy about talking about them.
Maybe this has something to Catherine's comment in an earlier post on this thread about girls getting arrested and leaving the business...

Mistress Tatiana Belodyne
of FantasyMakers

PS You say "most men are the same as me: we want our moneys worth", and I completely agree with you there. Most human beings want and deserve our money's worth in anything we pay for! However, in the fifteen years I've worked as a pro Domme, it hasn't been my experience that "most men" consider getting a hand release THE deciding factor for whether or not they've gotten their money's worth. (Is a bad session with a woman who doesn't like her work, her clients, or herself, doesn't have the equipment she claimed, doesn't resemble her photos, or is boringly or dangerously incompetent REALLY going to be salvaged by a handjob?) Maybe my sample set is a little skewed because I'm really clear and honest upfront about what I do and don't offer...

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dakine12
Member since 19-Sep-10
71 posts
30-Oct-10, 05:05 PM (PST)
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23. "RE: Lack of response to emails"
In response to message #22
 
   Mistress Detroit. You are absolutely right. I should have clarified in my post that I only requested what the Dom posted in her ad.

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paulzz paulzz rating
Member since 2-Jan-09
265 posts, 9 feedbacks, 18 points
31-Oct-10, 08:08 AM (PST)
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24. "phone plus email"
In response to message #0
 
   Several responses have suggested that you try calling the number listed on the ad if you don't get a response to email.

In my experience, there are some mistresses who prefer communicating by phone. (I have yet to find one who prefers RB inbox.)

Have you tried a phone call?

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Hrtwsk1 Hrtwsk1 rating
Member since 26-Mar-09
110 posts, 2 feedbacks, 4 points
31-Oct-10, 09:04 AM (PST)
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25. "RE: Lack of response to emails"
In response to message #0
 
   How long have you waited for a response? Not every Domme has immediate access to a computer.
(Now I get to close out my first thread since Mss. Tatiana informed me of the 25 post limit.)

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