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Conferences > Northern California > Domination Station > Topic #5944
Reading Topic #5944

realdeal81 realdeal81 rating
Member since 7-Feb-05
1561 posts, 14 feedbacks, 22 points		 29-Jul-10, 07:49 AM (PST)
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"Lifestyle or addiction?"
 
I often wonder when I hear comment's about S&M or B&D being a lifestyle. What does this mean? The Dom or Dominatrix are in charge 24/7? Or the sub whether it be male of female is under complete control and waits for orders before doing anything in their daily lives?

Or is it just an addiction that has developed to the point, the sub is not happy unless he or she is a sub, being beliitled and told what to do? Or a dom or Dominatrix is not happy without being in charge?

BTW: I do believe there are people who are both dominant and submissive in real life but wonder what a real lifestyle is? It couldn't be like being in session 24/7, could it?

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electrablue
Member since 8-Jan-10
98 posts		 29-Jul-10, 09:31 AM (PST)
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1. "RE: Lifestyle or addiction?"
In response to message #0
 
There are so many ways of doing BDSM, even when calling it a lifestyle! I'm using "BDSM" in a general sense, for there are many activities that fall under this umbrella. I do think some aspects lend themselves to a lifestyle more than others.

The successful stories I hear of 24/7 couples have started slow and built up to a 24/7 thing, and even then it is more mellow. He won't drag his sub to the store in chains or make her crawl behind him in public. But behind closed doors, there will be a set of rules they agree to and it's up to the Dom/me to choose to escalate this into something more scene-like.

If you want to check out something really crazy, do a search for Gor and Goreans. Not only do they live it 24/7, but the follow a model based on a series of mediocre sci-fi books. (Yes, I've read a few, and think they are mediocre at best.)

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Grissom Grissom rating
Member since 29-Sep-06
295 posts, 9 feedbacks, 17 points		 29-Jul-10, 10:22 AM (PST)
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2. "Gor is whacked, yo"
In response to message #1
 
   But you already knew that.

Also, to the original poster, submission does not have to mean humiliation. Many subs have an urge to please

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MssTatiana MssTatiana rating
Member since 28-May-07
376 posts, 12 feedbacks, 24 points		 29-Jul-10, 03:14 PM (PST)
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3. "RE: Lifestyle or addiction?"
In response to message #0
 
   Well, maybe some folks use it to mean "in role 24/7", but that isn't the only meaning. Sometimes when you see ProDoms saying that they do "lifestyle" or are "lifestyle players", they want to imply that they are _actually_ kinky, not just in it for the money. In that context, saying one is lifestyle means one does BDSM in one's private life, with one's personal partner(s, in situations one doesn't get paid for!

I describe myself as both a professional and a lifestyle player. I only do 24/7 with one of my lovers, and that is the primary partner who is my collared sub. With him, essentially, that means I can require him to go into role with me at any time, but I don't _want_ to be in role with him _all_ of the time. My other primary partner subs to me pretty regularly, but it's definitely NOT 24/7!

Hope that helps some!

Mistress Tatiana Belodyne
of FantasyMakers

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realdeal81 realdeal81 rating
Member since 7-Feb-05
1561 posts, 14 feedbacks, 22 points		 29-Jul-10, 07:21 PM (PST)
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4. "RE: Lifestyle or addiction?"
In response to message #3
 
Well, what it helps me understand is that everyone probably has a different meaning of what Lifestyle is. I think the definition of "doing it in one's private life without money being the deciding factor" is probably the most logical explanation yet.

Much better then saying lifestyle or 24/7 which conjures up visions of dominatrix walking around all day long in boots with a whip in her hand or subs who crawl along the floor all day long begging for mercy.

Addiction? Hmm?

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Lilith Lilith rating
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1133 posts, 10 feedbacks, 18 points		 29-Jul-10, 07:28 PM (PST)
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5. "RE: Lifestyle or addiction?"
In response to message #4
 
Usually, in 24/7, it's just like any other relationship except that the Dom(me) can tell the sub to shut up and actually be obeyed.

"...and you know that she's half crazy..."

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Elfen Elfen rating
Member since 5-Dec-05
1993 posts, 29 feedbacks, 55 points		 30-Jul-10, 01:02 PM (PST)
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6. "RE: Lifestyle or addiction?"
In response to message #5
 
So instead of replying "Yes, dear", the sub should reply, "Yes, Mistress"?

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wnlvr2 wnlvr2 rating
Member since 6-Jul-09
101 posts, 2 feedbacks, 4 points		 02-Aug-10, 08:36 AM (PST)
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7. "RE: Lifestyle or addiction?"
In response to message #0
 
I think it is more like a lifestyle than an addiction. There is one person I know that has a complex about being short and feels dominated in his real life all the time by people who are taller. He seeks providers that he can then dominate and really gets off.
Sometimes I just have to laugh at him, but to each there own.

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ElephantBalls ElephantBalls rating
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1586 posts, 14 feedbacks, 19 points		 02-Aug-10, 12:53 PM (PST)
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8. "RE: Lifestyle or addiction?"
In response to message #7
 
   my experience is that like anything else, you can have a lustful/addiction phase and a lifestyle phase - with varying degrees of intimacy and intensity. Lifestyle is much like a regular relationship - but with the subcontext of the D/s dynamic that exists whether "in role" or not. Many fantasize about a life bound, nude, gaged, and used as a sex slave. That only exists in movies, books, or at OWK

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