as a submissive man, i've found it can be a bit frustrating trying to maintain a meaningful relationship where both mine and my potential Partner's wants and needs are suitably satisfied. in truth, i've found that many Women wish to be, if not Dominant, then at the very least equal partners in a relationship outside of the bedroom. yet They often times prefer a dominant (i didn't capitalize the "d" because i'm describing a male here) partner during sex. since the thing i wish above all else is to please the Woman i am with, i have learned over the years how to satisfy this desire for them. it's actually given me an interesting perspective on the D/s relationship between a man and a Woman wherein the male takes on the dominant role. while studying this dynamic so as to best attempt to approximate it for my Partner, i found many things not to do. so many men strive desperately to disguise their impotence by dominating women with cruelty or sexual debasement. even a casual observer of this behavior can usually see the man for what he really is. a scared little boy, fearful of having his sexual inadequacies discovered. when i see a Woman being dominated by a man in this way, i recognize a Powerful Being allowing a lesser creature the illusion of control over Her. She is usually destined to be disappointed however, because the so-called dom really has no clue as to what She is really looking for. a man who truly loves, respects and worships Women would know what it is She craves: a safe environment to discover and reveal whatever desire she holds which our patriarchal society has caused Her to view as shameful. by first gaining Her trust through loving support and sweetness, a man can adopt a dominating (though hopefully not aggressive) presence in order to encourage a Woman with gentle insistence to release Her innermost desires. thus allowing Her to wipe away years of unfairly inflicted guilt and character debasement at the hands of family/society. once this is done completely, over time, a Woman will no longer feel the need to submit to men, either sexually or in any other way. that is why i believe that any relationship where the male is dominant over the Female must fundamentally alter, within a certain amount of time, to a state of equality between the two or to one of Female Dominance and male submission. anything else is proof that the man does not have the Woman's best interest or Her true happiness as his goal and that, as a dom, he is a fraud.

ok. what do you all think?

Here's a curious question though: Who really has the power in a D/s relationship? The Dom/me may wield the whip, so to speak, but it is the sub who gives consent to be used. Without consent, the scene starts to break down.

There's a lot of different schools of thought in what makes a Dom/me. If they are solely focused on their sub's desires and interests, are they really dominant?

There is true to what you say: I do want a safe environment to discover my own desires outside of what our society says is right. As a submissive, I find my darker fantasies are much more threatening to feminist ideals than patriarchal ideals.

E

It speaks volumes about his own limited BDSM experiences that he ascribes to a male dom exactly one type of dynamic. As if there is only one type of sub and dom, and only one dynamic.

Simply put, he's a sub who has found that more women prefer to be dominated than to dominate. And he has trouble fitting that into his world view.

Some of the scenarios have taken on roleplaying that may have a "freudian" base, but not entirely so.

Having said that, your situation may apply if you excercise a very focused BDSM view, which most don't.

Big Hugs,

sfguyhere

Also there are much more subs than dom/ dommes in this world so it is more easier for two sub inclined to learn to please one another.. and I think thats all good thing.

Many women do enjoy rough sex scene or being controlled with someone who is safe, cool headed and really smart underneath it all and I am sure it is same with male subs.

As far as I know, Doms do not have to be brutal rude or idiotic. he could use the eye contact, way he touches her, voice quality, and other methods to engage while studying the subject closely. He could be calling her dirty slut whore or number of degrading names during the session but could be extremely respectful of women outside of the scene.

Same could be true with some subs who loves to serve and be polite during the session but could be manipulative and misogynistic little prick in real life.

There's all kinds of annoying stuff about when a woman has sex she is sub, when a man has sex he is dom. I don't care who is physically on top, or who is putting what in where. I say that's all BS. It's about who feels like they are driving, and who feels like the passenger.

As a top, I feel like I am a roller coaster. No one makes you ride, but once you get on you surrender control to the experience. The thrill is real, but every effort has been made to ensure your safety. I also feel very nurturing and caring towards my subs, and the connection and the power and the contact high I get from their fear, or seeing them in that floaty place high on endorphins..mmm!Better than chocolate! Almost as good as new shoes ;)
So even though my Femininity is a powerful tool, it's often not about gender for me. But I kinda grew up in and around the kink/bdsm community, so I had the benefit of working through all that early on.
I will say this though, I have a pet peeve about male subs who say they want to do feminization that automatically translates to degradation/rape fantasy. Get this males, being female and getting fucked does NOT equate being raped or degraded or any loss of power at all. If that's the fantasy you like to construct for yourself fine, but please learn the difference.