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Subject: "Here's one for you Kallell." Archived thread - Read only
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Conferences > Member Channels > House of Pain > Topic #7039
Reading Topic #7039

DonkeyHotee DonkeyHotee rating
Member since 11-Mar-08
1544 posts, 36 feedbacks, 69 points		 21-Apr-10, 06:29 PM (PST)
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"Here's one for you Kallell."
 
An expectant father is in the waiting room sweating out his wife's delivery. After many hours and a full pack of cigarettes, he notices a nurse coming towards him. "Mr. Johnston? Your wife is doing well and you've got yourself a brand new SON!" The pride washes over him like a tidal wave "My God. A son." And he begins tearing up. "Can you bring me to them? My wife? My s-s-son? I want to see them." The nurse says that the wife is resting but if he waited right here in the waiting room, she'd bring his son to him. After a few minutes of pacing he sees the nurse walking down the long hallway carrying the little bundle wrapped in a light blue blanket. She gets to within 20 feet of the father, grabs the baby by the legs and starts beating him against the walls. Back and forth, one wall to another. The father runs and grabs her "what the fuck are you doing? That's my son! You could kill him!" She looks up at him laughing and says...

"HaHa! April Fools! Born Dead!"

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DonkeyHotee DonkeyHotee rating
Member since 11-Mar-08
1544 posts, 36 feedbacks, 69 points		 21-Apr-10, 07:55 PM (PST)
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1. "RE: Here's one for you Kallell."
In response to message #0
 
A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl
was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the
wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.

He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. 'Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?' she asked. 'They're mating,' her father replied. 'What do you call the spider on top?' she asked. a Daddy Longlegs,' her father answered. 'So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?' the little girl asked. As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied, 'No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.'

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then lifted her foot and stomped them flat. 'Well", she said, "that may be OK in California , but we're not having any of that crap in Texas!


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kallell kallell rating
Charter Member
8341 posts, 68 feedbacks, 119 points		 21-Apr-10, 08:35 PM (PST)
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2. "RE: Here's one for you Kallell."
In response to message #0
 
You posted that for me?

I don't know what to say, sniff, I'm at a loss for words, sniff, I need to compose myself, just a second.

OK, I think I can hold it together.

That is one of the nicest things anyone here has done for me, thank you.


------
Truth, Justice and the American Way

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DonkeyHotee DonkeyHotee rating
Member since 11-Mar-08
1544 posts, 36 feedbacks, 69 points		 22-Apr-10, 01:39 PM (PST)
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3. "RE: Here's one for you Kallell."
In response to message #2
 
Don't say I never did anything for ya. So few people admit their appreciation for a good dead baby joke so, I try to recognize that.

Besides, it looks like the conductor is taking tickets and shouting "All Aboard!" for the Crazy Train in a couple other forums so, I thought we could use a safe place to tell some twisted jokes.

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DonkeyHotee DonkeyHotee rating
Member since 11-Mar-08
1544 posts, 36 feedbacks, 69 points		 22-Apr-10, 07:25 PM (PST)
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4. "RE: Here's one for you Kallell."
In response to message #2
 
A blind man wanders into a Female Biker Bar by mistake. He finds
his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for
awhile, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you're blind, that you should know five things:

1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell
that joke? The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and says 'no'; not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

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