The reason why I am asking is because I seem to be taking more risks as I plunge deeper into this hobby. For example, I frequently get text messages from RAs on my cell phone. I've also been spending more money on RAs, which is now making itself apparent with our diminishing savings rate. Sometimes, I've even left my computer on at home with Redbook on the monitor by accident. Once or twice, I've left a session and have bumped into someone I know within a block of the AMP/AAMP.

No, I'm not trying to get caught, but I think my little head has taken over my big head, and so I'm trying to force myself to be a bit more careful with my indiscretions, which I think might someday lead to a divorce (which I don't desire for the sake of my children, in particular). I would appreciate hearing your stories and rationale for continuing both with your marriages and mongering simultaneously. Serious responses, and no flaming, please.

I think it prudent that you also consider listening to those whose lives aren't marked with exactly the same status as yourself; perspective from the outside in, so to speak. I've never been married and have no children to my knowledge. The reason is that I knew early on that I wasn't husband material insofar as fidelity was concerned. Notwithstanding the relationship aspect with women (i.e. girlfriend, mistress, RA, employee, fellow student, etc.), the opportunities were abundant for a fortunate number of years and I never would have been faithful, so for a long time I didn't view marriage as a viable long term/life commitment for a long time.

The tradeoff isn't horrible at this point but if I had to do all over again, I would have married and started a family when I was 40-45, knowing still that I might not have been exactly ready though infinitely more so than in the previous 20 years. Therein lies the rub...

I probably still would have taken some risk of getting caught but I hope I would have been more aware of my behaviors than you seem to be about yours and therefore, much more discreet. First and foremost, don't doubt for a moment that if your choices lead to a divorce, your children will eventually and perhaps immediately, be informed by their mother as to the reasons why and forgiveness might not be forthcoming. That's a possible heavy punishment for you to consider; how your children will forever think about you.

Now for the central issue as I sense it. As you suggest, you're not desiring the consequences of getting caught but your cute euphemism about the little head is probably camouflaging a brutally honest assessment - that you're getting or already are obsessed with seeing RAs; obsessed being the operative term. That emotional state is displacing other modes of thought and admittedly, putting your family relationship at risk.

There's always a chance of getting caught but from what you've described, something has significantly promoted that probability and as a first approximation, you should figure out how to scale back your immersion in this extracurricular activity. If you have the resources and I'm guessing you do, I think you should seek help from someone who's trained in the evaluation and discussion of these matters. The umbrella term is EAP for those who have access via employer sponsored health care benefits.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Employee_assistance_programs

All the best.

__________
Rompe Palle

P.S. Who's your ATF?

I have been hobbying long before I met the wife. I stopped for awhile after we got together but when the chemistry changed I started to hobby again. I started hobbying about 40 years ago... I should retire but still feel a strong libido.

yes you are. imagine yourself doing something shameful. you would wipe your computer each and every time and go to extra lengths to hide the money etc. you are mad at your wife and want to rub her nose in it.

So, over 20 years of chasing escorts. But, only during periods of time when I have been unmarried & single (such as recent years).

Worst problem was when I caught crabs. She really doubted my story, but what was she gonna do?

Funny how you pretty much described my exact circumstance. I was also finding that I was getting too careless in covering my tracks. Plus the stress of working, managing a family with kids and multiple girls on the sides either made me careless or I just didn't care anymore.

Luckily I pulled my head out of my ass and have seemed to cut down on my hobbying. It was getting to the point of 4-5 girls a week. It's addictive and sometimes I can't my actions other than saying "the little head did the thinking".

Sit down buddy, re-evaluate your life, career, marriage and kids. Then realize that you will get caught, it's not a matter of "if" but "when" or you will bring something home to her and just how will you feel when that happens?

If you find you can't make due without the mongering, I suggest you go the sugarbaby route. Less exposure to some of the nasties floating out there and you can maybe wean yourself off the ladies (and hopefully all their dramas) here on RB.

Do you need attention?

You say you want to be more careful with indiscretions-- I've read somewhere
thats the wrong way of thinking to effect change. Don't punish yourself
for failing, instead change your own rules so you have a better chance of
succeeding in not getting caught.... so get a hobby phone!!

It sounds like you're getting some reinforcement while hobbying riskily.
Try substituting a different risky behavior, like leaving open slightly kinky
porn sites in order to get caught or going to a video booth or trying ecstasy
or jacking off in rooms you shouldn't. This may sound nuts to you but its the kind
of shit that feeds my demon.

Also it sounds like one AMP and the RAs there may be sucking you in too
deep. Cut yourself off from the AMP for a while, and substitute with some
escorts, maybe even below your normal choice for looks (which may dampen
your mood for the whole hobby for a while).

Set aside cash on a regular basis. Put $20 or $40 or $60 in a hidden envelope or
a book every time you get cash but no more than once a week. Being able to
swing by the ATM, get every cent you need to blow your load is just too much
temptation? Maybe even save up for a high class experience...

Finally, may I recommend combining porn + lotion when cruising redbook? This
one tip has saved me thousands!!!

You have to be a fucking spy 24/7 when it comes down to it. All of the best practices everyone preaches here (myself included) no matter what, if you do it long enough you will make a mistake.

What's more important is when you make a mistake does your SO find it.... It comes down to a numbers game.

I'm not going to even go into the details of how to avoid getting caught. use the search for that but if you do it long enough you will screw up.