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Ten Things Clients Hate About Escorts
By Jeff Stratton
published: Fri., Jul. 30 2010 @ 4:05PM

.Calling up an escort is supposed to usher in an hour or two (or, hell, 20 minutes) of pleasure and release. It's not supposed to cause headaches. Sometimes instead of getting a happy ending, you feel chafed -- and not in a good way.

Or at least those are some of the problems revealed by the good gentlemen frequenting South Florida's independentgirls.com. They've been bantering for weeks about pet peeves "hobbyists" harbor regarding "providers."

So we perused their problems and boiled down the ten best escort complaints.

10. Blackmail
"I hate when you go to the bathroom and the provider goes through your cell phone to extract phone numbers of people to blackmail you with later."

9. Baby Strollers
"She asks, 'Do you want full service or just a massage?' while a baby stroller is two feet away."

8. The Scent of Whore
"So much perfume that I smell like a whore."

7. What's on TV?
"Watching TV soaps out of the corners of her eyes during fellatio."

6. Leftovers
"Wet spots on the bed BEFORE the date."

5. Blame It on Guys
"She tells you the reason she does this is because her ex-boyfriend proved to her that all men are scum."

4. Professional Confusion
"You book a one-hour appointment for 5 p.m. She opens the door and asks, 'Are you my 5 or 5:30?'"

3. Impatient Drivers
"I hate the driver sitting in your driveway the whole time."

2. Quick Change
"You tell her to wear stockings and heels. She shows up and changes on the spot."

1. Lack of BJ Style
"Using your thumb and index finger, with your pinky finger pointing up, and only letting it enter the first nanometer of your mouth does not make it 'a classy BJ.'"

8. The Scent of Whore
"So much perfume that I smell like a whore."

Yeah, they don't get that the costume is a major part of the fantasy charade. The real 6 star girls know that we want to think (for just that hour) that they wear that stuff all the time and like to look like that.

Of course, this ain't anywhere's near as bad as the baby stroller.

LM469
Attitude is everything

The opposite of this is one of the reasons I keep seeing this one lady friend off and on.

She'll repeatedly say during BBBJ while she's gotten worked up and just can't resist doing me during an NBA game -- occasionally during late innings of an MLB game too, though it's never happened during an NFL game (can't overanalyze this, sorry! I digress) -- "Can you see the game okay, Babe?"
THAT, we call a positive attitude and attention to detail, Gents.

My own personal Top 10 would have to include THE DAMN PHONE:

Even having the damn cell phone ON [an infraction/citable-level offense],

Let alone letting it buzz or ring [this is a jailable misdemeanor], and of course

The felony-level buzz-kill of answering the damn thing.

The most entertaining views on this from providers seem to baffle us but sadly not to be that uncommon, in my checkered experience.

2 weeks ago a lady started saying as we were getting to know each other during our first meet that she couldn't see why clients just do not GET that it's REALLY convenient when she's performing FBSM to just be able to keep her Bluetooth headset on to take calls!

Uh, ya see, it's like this... Yeah, we had a discussion on the issue. She came around pretty much when I related a rather OMG couple of true stories...

1. RA answered the phone DURING the HJ and continued chatting with new client "1 hour fohty, half hour thuty, what time you come?" and continued with the other hand doing me. No, I've not been back.

2. RA DURING CG grabs the phone and has essentially the conversation above. Guess if I've returned.

LM469
Attitude is everything

One they should have added as one of the top ten is the bait and switch or upsell. The girl doesn't look anything like her pictures or isn't gfe as promised. Then there is the mood killer of that is extra.

Some of those are nasty like #6.

How about a trash can full of like 27 condoms in the bathroom?

Now this is one damn fine post!
This is my pick out of the litter...
#3 is the most annoying to me!

Plenty Fish In The Sea

* Prying personal questions that lead to either lies or awkward conversation. "Are you married? Don't you have a girlfriend? A guy like you should be able to get a girlfriend." Well, yeah I'm married, but do we need to have an awkward conversation about it? Did you see what was in that envelope?

* Providers not answering their phone, then *texting* me back anywhere from 1 to 72 hours later with graphic messages trying to schedule with me. Are you trying to get me caught? Never, ever, under any circumstances text me back, unless I say it's ok! (And some of these same providers say "do not text me" in their ads. Grrr.)

* Providers who spell it "discrete" in their ads. Totally JV.

* Bad advertising gimmicks. Spelling it "pu$$y" just reminds me I have to pay for it, kinda sorta not so GFE. And that FUckEd uP WaCKy MiXeD cAsE wRiTiNg hurts my eyes, and is a sure tip-off you are under management.

And the main thing that annoys me about escorts:

* The fact that I have to pay for it. Why can't they just love me for who I am?

Paul

You know the moody ones...the ones you need a sign from to let you know of she's ok today or will be a basket case!