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RingMyBell RingMyBell rating
Member since 26-Nov-11
129 posts, 6 feedbacks, 12 points
18-Apr-13, 03:16 AM (PST)
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"An Escort Expose/ Retirement"
 
   Im inspired to write.

A man just fucked me.

I see so many "escorts" (or otherwise PROSTITUTES because that is what we really are, with a fancy name) claim how much we love this. How much they do it for the enjoyment. Or the sex factor, or whatever lies we tell ourselves. WAKE THE FUCK UP. No one got here because we want to fuck guys for a living. If we did we would still be doing this for free. I wouldn't be charging you x amount of dollars to stick your willy in my lady parts. This is completely fake. I don't enjoy this. When you fuck me I think about someone I might love to fuck me, whom I fantasize fucking me. How long will this last?

Harsh huh?

Sad it may seem. Fantasy is fantasy. I hate to make a man feel good, but I love it because when I walk away with x amount of dollars I am that much far forward in student loans or whatever. As far as my mind body and soul may feel, not so great. Sometimes I might come home and cry. Say I am not strong enough? Great. I don't ever want to be strong enough for selling my lovely body... But do you think it's good? Of course you do. That's why you pay me right? I've become a professional, an actress, a deviant liar. Not only to you, but to my family, friends, and boyfriends. How do your survive financially they say? Everyone gets a different story. My trust fund, stripping, a great job, etc. The lies, whether they are to a man, or to someone else are endless. I feel like I never stop lying. To myself, to the johns, to my family.

This might sound shocking to you (but REALLY???). To a friend or family member- mindblowing. To a "john" maybe not so suprising. We are playing make believe right? It's just that no one wants to really tell each the truth. I'm just so heart-sickened with the "truth" anymore. Tonight I told my boyfriend I was going to see a girlfriend who was falling apart. Hah. I went and saw a client for an hour or so and came home able to pay a bill I was freaking out about. My heart feels empty and terrible. I'd rather be homeless.

Let me tell you about this. Young guy. Military type. Relatively attractive. He's pretty infatuated with me. Wants to bring me home to mom. But as he's fucking me and I'm faking along I have to continuously wonder, what is this guys real story? Why is he here with me? Because if I were a guy in is his mid thirties, with a decent amount of attraction, I would not be asking ME to marry him. Doesn't he see how I am so physically and mentally disconnected from this? Doesn't he see how fake am I? That the only way I can get through this sober is to pretend that I am so far away from this I am not even a real person anymore? Maybe I am not.

Sad? I agree. What's even worse is a woman that won't admit she wasn't or isn't here. I think about myself a year ago, or others that are new to this that are so gung-ho (weeeeeeeeee!!!!) that have no clue the damage we are doing to ourselves; or maybe we do but can't even go there mentally or physically anymore. Maybe an escort three or thirty years into this won't agree with me, but I personally believe it's a numbness, a lack of belief in ourselves and our lives and OUR FUTURES that trap us here.

On the other side of all this, is something that came to me, that I am not sure would have even been there. Confidence. Maybe not long term, but enough to propel me far enough to get crazy and open up doors in my life. I respect and love every man that hobbies in this business. For the fact that you all are doing this for same variety's of individual reasons us ladies are. I don't condemn this way of life. But I sure as hell don't recommend it. It hurts a girl, it hurts a lady. As a teenage whore (for free) I've learned that I am worth so much more. I am worth flowers, dinner, and wine. I am worth it all. Because if a man will pay to sleep with me, clearly a man will think I'm adorable enough to love, FOR FREE. So I thank you all. I believe we are honorable in what we are doing. I believe all of the woman doing this are wonderful, strong, yet desperate creatures. And the men, maybe some of you might be prey, but most of you strong, incredible, and damaged in your own way.

No one does this without reason. And it takes something most of society doesn't have to hobby, or provide. For those of you hobbying, remember that while us women are providing our service, it is a fucking INCREDIBLE service. I saw recently on this board that some of you don't think "tipping" is necessary. Well us woman are doing something for you that is (a). potentially against the law (b). and using our incredible bodies. Respect that. This aint room service, and you're forced to pay 20% on that. Respect what we are willing to share with you, because for the prices going on here, whether 80 bucks or 1000, otherwise you would be in a bar buying someone drunk chicka tons of drinks with no guarantee or love or affection.

Last note. I know that this will bring lots of attention whether stated or not. But for me its the truth. I feel like for many woman it could be as well. People always say this is one of the most "honest proffesions" out there. But I've personally never told so many lies in my life. To the men I affectionate, to my family, to my friends. If ladies, dudes, whoever-like I've ever cared- rip it up. Great!! Have fun!!! Everyone I've met in this profession has been beyond belief INCREDIBLE, and I thank you all for some level of personal growth within me. Everything happens for a reason!!!

Oh, and if you haven't realized, I am basically "retiring" after next Monday- if I have a current ad it will be for a price point I am comfortable working for. Which should have happened from this beginning. But you know, thats how life works. Before we realize what's best for us, we do a lot of silly stuff.

For those of you have read this, and want to see the best show ever (bahhahaa), I will be in Reno Monday eve for one last show time. No incall.

On a very serious not, I would love to mention those of the amazing folks I met at a certain mixer, especially the two hosts, (and a room host) one of which whom stuck up for me when I first made my path here on RB. My gratitude is endless. And all of you fine people I met at the mixer, I think you are all amazing. Do what you do, and believe in it. Just don't let it hurt you're amazing souls (girls).

On that note, one of you regular members gave me one the first adult orgasm ever... thus my sexual revolution finally started (at 30 [take your guess boys]!!). Just can't fake it anymore after that...

Ya'll are some of the most interesting and fun people I've ever met. Best of Luck!!

Listening to:
Grace Potter & the Nocturnals: Big White Gate and Tiny Late

Great Revolution MUUUUUUsic!!!!!

Love to you all!!

XOXO
Merry

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The_Lovely_Lilianna
Member since 15-Oct-12
155 posts
18-Apr-13, 05:42 AM (PST)
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1. "RE: An Escort Expose/ Retirement"
In response to message #0
 
   Sorry that you hate your life and it took you 30 years to have an orgasm. But did you really need to feed the stereotype that sex workers hate men? Really?

I hope this made you feel better. I hope the people that read this understand that you don't speak for everyone with all of your "we"s.

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norcalguy4u norcalguy4u rating
Member since 27-Aug-05
4239 posts, 66 feedbacks, 125 points
18-Apr-13, 03:13 PM (PST)
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6. "RE: An Escort Expose/ Retirement"
In response to message #1
 
I was going to reply to the OP but you concisely and precisely said what was on my mind!


Dr. DATY
I can't drive 55, but I'm fine with 69!

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boogieman69
Member since 22-Apr-07
45 posts
18-Apr-13, 08:26 AM (PST)
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2. "RE: An Escort Expose/ Retirement"
In response to message #0
 
   While people may disagree with you, it was a beautifully written post. I was so captivated, I had to read the whole thing (which I don't even do with the Classified Ads ).

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SuperHead SuperHead rating
Member since 8-Nov-07
9897 posts, 95 feedbacks, 173 points
18-Apr-13, 09:37 AM (PST)
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3. "RE: An Escort Expose/ Retirement"
In response to message #2
 
Interesting read for sure not everyone loves doing this but i think in order to do it you have to love it a little and have fun with it.


I'll make you

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onedogonebonemoderator onedogonebone rating
Member since 2-Aug-08
4740 posts, 70 feedbacks, 128 points
18-Apr-13, 10:27 AM (PST)
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4. "RE: An Escort Expose/ Retirement"
In response to message #0
 
LAST EDITED ON 18-Apr-13 AT 10:43 AM (PST)
 
Merry

Now THAT's what catches my interest! A person speaking THEIR minds about THEIR experiences in this life! Over looking the "we"factor and generalities as universals, you have presented one of the many ways this lifestyle can and does affect people. For that you get MUCH respect.

There ARE many reasons why (in beginning. continuing and exiting in this thing) on both sides and in 30+ years of doing this I have had heart to heart conversations running the gamut from force to simple choice. Yes, I have even self-reflected...

As a Hobbyist, Client, John, Trick, etc. I find no offense in what you say, one's reality is REAL to them. I can respect that! Funny how the term "Keeping it REAL" is mostly used by those who use behaviors and substances to ESCAPE reality!!!!

Much success to you on your exit - I truly mean that!

The cynic says tho, if you end up coming out of retirement under this or a dif handle - all is for naught!

"This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."
- Shakespeare

Good Luck Merry, and thank you!

"I don't BREAK rules, I MODIFY
them!

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RingMyBell RingMyBell rating
Member since 26-Nov-11
129 posts, 6 feedbacks, 12 points
18-Apr-13, 11:27 AM (PST)
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5. "RE: An Escort Expose/ Retirement"
In response to message #4
 
   I am sorry for any generalizations or "we" usuage. Its just more or less how I feel, not trying to assign anything to anyone!

And after this weekend, trust me I will not be back. Unless a gentleman wants to blow his bank before he blows his...

And I meant "Tiny Light" not late on the song.

Peace out dudes and dudettes.

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Cohiba Cohiba rating
Member since 1-Dec-05
1886 posts, 24 feedbacks, 43 points
18-Apr-13, 06:41 PM (PST)
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7. "RE: An Escort Expose/ Retirement"
In response to message #5
 
   Three reviewers in a year and a half, arent you already retired??

live long and be happy
let the little things go

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SuperHead SuperHead rating
Member since 8-Nov-07
9897 posts, 95 feedbacks, 173 points
18-Apr-13, 07:07 PM (PST)
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8. "RE: An Escort Expose/ Retirement"
In response to message #7
 
Spilled my latte on that one


I'll make you

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fyreman fyreman rating
Member since 3-Feb-06
2207 posts, 29 feedbacks, 56 points
18-Apr-13, 08:53 PM (PST)
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12. "Reviews Don't Make a Provider..."
In response to message #7
 
Reviews don't make a Provider... Their nice to use, but remember RB's and other sites fine print "They are fiction"

There are many awesome Providers who ask/request that no review be left, as they have developed a batch of regulars, and they are content with that.

"some like it hot"

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OMGnaughtygirl OMGnaughtygirl rating
Member since 12-Dec-11
132 posts, 2 feedbacks, 4 points
18-Apr-13, 08:59 PM (PST)
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13. "RE: An Escort Expose/ Retirement"
In response to message #5
 
I agree w/ The_Lovely_Lillianna, But thanks for the reconsideration /apology, for the over use and generalizations of "we" as the majority ...when, they are very much your own, INDIVIDUAL feelings (which of course your entitled to). Hopefully your just be able to view this part of your life as a chapter of growth/enlightenment for you and not a horrible scar to the psyche. Sometimes ACTUALLY FINDING WHAT YOU WANT IN LIFE....is as EASY AS LEARNING.... WHAT YOU DON'T WANT or won't tolerate, IN YOUR LIFE!!!

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thedongerx2
Member since 21-Oct-11
120 posts, Rate thedongerx2
18-Apr-13, 07:46 PM (PST)
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9. "RE: An Escort Expose/ Retirement"
In response to message #0
 
   That was awesome!!!!!!! You just said what we are all thinking I take my hat off to you. Good luck and god speed in where ever your next adventure takes you.

P.S. I might just retire from the hobby after that I feel inspired

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fernleyguy fernleyguy rating
Member since 12-Dec-09
499 posts, 6 feedbacks, 11 points
18-Apr-13, 08:09 PM (PST)
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10. "RE: An Escort Expose/ Retirement"
In response to message #0
 
   Every person is different, and every occupation is different. Some people were cut out for a certain occupation, others for another one.

I don't think very many of us actually find what we truly are made for. The majority of us sort of muddle along, usually thinking that what we do is not all that great. A lot of us hate our jobs. A very few of us find what we truly enjoy.

I'm an electrician. Most of the time, I like what I do. Some days I really enjoy it. I'll pop out of bed, get ready for work in nothing flat, and really enjoy my day. Other days, it's pretty hard to get motivated at all.

I think it takes a certain type of personality to be a provider. No offense, but not many gals can handle it, much less actually enjoy it. But I'm pretty sure there are gals who really do enjoy what they do. And like me, sometimes they can hardly wait for the client to arrive, while other days they'd rather be somewhere else.

My sincere hope for you is that an opportunity will present itself, and you'll find what you truly enjoy. That is the key to happiness.

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OMGnaughtygirl OMGnaughtygirl rating
Member since 12-Dec-11
132 posts, 2 feedbacks, 4 points
18-Apr-13, 08:49 PM (PST)
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11. "RE: An Escort Expose/ Retirement"
In response to message #10
 
*DITTO* Thanks Fernleyguy.....nice view and response, similer to my own. We could all be so lucky as to find what we love to do while paying the bills!!! While I could go on with advise or my perspective, for Merry....I will not, kind of a mote point if she's retiring next week! So,Merry...I wish ya the best, good luck with whatever makes you happy!

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fyreman fyreman rating
Member since 3-Feb-06
2207 posts, 29 feedbacks, 56 points
18-Apr-13, 09:00 PM (PST)
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14. "Ditto, Ditto, Ditto..."
In response to message #11
 
Fernley, well said.

Like you, there are days I can't wait to rush to the station for my 48 hour shift and there are days that staying in bed wins....

Some are actors, some enjoy it, and some are forced in to this profession and have no choice.... But when they have the choice, and opt to step out of this, that is the greatest thing we should/could wish for a provider.

Good luck and best wishes with you future endeavors Merry....

"some like it hot"

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dymo6232 dymo6232 rating
Member since 2-Jun-06
909 posts, 26 feedbacks, 50 points
19-Apr-13, 00:17 AM (PST)
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15. "RE: An Escort Expose/ Retirement"
In response to message #10
 
I pretty much have to ditto what fernley guy said. Some days its fun, other days its a bitch. To each his own as it's said. One man's trash another man's treasure. You were (are) are pleasure to know Merry. Best wishes.

"There's no substitute for horsepower"

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norcalguy4u norcalguy4u rating
Member since 27-Aug-05
4239 posts, 66 feedbacks, 125 points
19-Apr-13, 12:18 PM (PST)
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16. "RE: An Escort Expose/ Retirement"
In response to message #10
 
The other difference is that being a provider is a profession for some while only a sideline (hobby, extra-curricular activity, whatever) for others - i.e., some women are not depending on being a provider to pay their bills, put a roof over their head, and put food on the table. Those differences can certainly alter your preception of the activity.


Dr. DATY
I can't drive 55, but I'm fine with 69!

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golfman44 golfman44 rating
Member since 28-Jun-08
423 posts, 10 feedbacks, 18 points
19-Apr-13, 03:02 PM (PST)
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17. "RE: An Escort Expose/ Retirement"
In response to message #0
 
Good luck Merry! It was a pleasure to meet you. We sure had fun at that mixer. Take care.


It's five o'clock somewhere.....

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kingtut kingtut rating
Member since 23-Jun-08
5899 posts, 56 feedbacks, 110 points
19-Apr-13, 05:25 PM (PST)
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18. "RE: An Escort Expose/ Retirement"
In response to message #0
 
Clearly this line of work is not for you, & I agree that retirement
is your best option.

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nopenetration
Member since 13-Dec-11
79 posts
24-Apr-13, 05:11 PM (PST)
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19. "RE: An Escort Expose/ Retirement"
In response to message #0
 
LAST EDITED ON 24-Apr-13 AT 05:14 PM (PST)
 
I don't know if this is sympathy or just me sitting down with you at the pity party, but you aren't the only one.

I work a soul-crushing job myself. Just because I go to an office doesn't mean I don't hate what I do for a living. When I go home at night, and wait to go to sleep, sometimes I can almost feel it. Maybe it's unused adrenalin from failure to satisfy the "fight or flight". I don't know, but it's like a slow acid that burns both body and soul.

Is that how you feel? Cause I know that feeling.

Look. A basic principle in life is that there is bad and good in everything. I stay at my job because the pay is good, the people are nice, and the boss is the best I've ever had. (My boss is NOT a dick)

Still, it would almost be a relief to be fired.

I don't know how you came to this job, but the reason you stay is for the money. It isn't easy money, to be sure, but there are perks. It doesn't require much education, you either get a lot of freetime, or a lot of money. Speaking of which, every day you work is "payday". BTW - if you can get into it (orgasm), you don't even have to fake it. The responsibilities are barely more than any other adult has, which are to pay for your own food, rent, and fun.

Before you climb the hill to see if the grass is actually greener on the other side, consider the path that you got here in the first place. It will give you perspective when you go "civie". If it doesn't work out as you planned, another perk of your current job is you have the luxury of picking up where you left off pretty easily.

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Targaryen
Member since 25-Feb-13
26 posts
26-Apr-13, 02:17 PM (PST)
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20. "RE: An Escort Expose/ Retirement"
In response to message #0
 
   Wow that was kinda hot actually! I love the damaged, vulnerable woman routine. That's what it was right? So you write a heart felt mea culpa based around an industry you feel has damaged you so greatly. Then at the end of this diatribe instead of saying "I'm outta hear bitches!" you put out the sales pitch of only around for one more weekend. C'mon! Really? What happened to all of that moral outrage? Ahh fuck it right! What's one more weekend gonna do to your irreparably damaged psyche. I call BS on this one! Have you ever noticed the furniture and car sales always have a one time sale that won't last and you better catch it before its gone. Basic advertising manipulation. This one just has a little more window dressing in my opinion. LOL!

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KelseyKane
Member since 18-Jan-13
21 posts
26-Apr-13, 02:50 PM (PST)
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21. "RE: An Escort Expose/ Retirement"
In response to message #0
 
   KeLsEY KaNe ditto that. I feel same way. Dont forget the regs. That call you and check up on you. Like you really care bout them. Lol

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Melanie36d Melanie36d rating
Member since 16-Feb-03
3212 posts, 31 feedbacks, 55 points
26-Apr-13, 03:15 PM (PST)
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22. "RE: An Escort Expose/ Retirement"
In response to message #21
 
   Career suicide....imo

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KelseyKane
Member since 18-Jan-13
21 posts
26-Apr-13, 08:04 PM (PST)
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23. "RE: An Escort Expose/ Retirement"
In response to message #22
 
   KeLsEY KaNe just being real. They always come back

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Sexyyama
Member since 27-Mar-11
30 posts
26-Apr-13, 09:07 PM (PST)
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25. "RE: An Escort Expose/ Retirement"
In response to message #23
 
   I don't believe this is the real KK posting, but rather the person who hacked into her account and deleted her profile and ads. If you are KK, then tell me something about me which only someone who knows me well will know.

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OMGnaughtygirl OMGnaughtygirl rating
Member since 12-Dec-11
132 posts, 2 feedbacks, 4 points
26-Apr-13, 08:58 PM (PST)
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24. "RE: An Escort Expose/ Retirement"
In response to message #21
 
Ummmm....WOW!!!??? I know I appreciate being thought about,in a positive manner and really do enjoy when my regulars check in on me!!! It's sweet...to me it says they see me a a human being/real person and not just a 'provider' or an object! That's ALWAYS ...BONUS POINTS in MY BOOK!!!

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