I can not say why I agreed to this event, as I loathe such things, but I did. Nor can I say why I responded as I did.

It was a get together for singles. Arranged for by my well meaning (but misguided) friends. The arrangement is a dinner with three couples. If you click, you can arrange additional dates on your own.

Oh yeah, there is a "facilitator" for the meal to keep things moving. This particular crowd was 40ish, well to do ("profesionals" all), and all divorced at least once. The facilitator gives a little speech, emphasizing that honesty was the rule (remember this), and encouraged us not to embroider the truth. I really did not want to be here to begin with, and this little speech was particularly offensive. Like I need to be lectured by this twit.

As you can tell this is not going to be a great night, or a very good night, depending on your proclivities. Of course one of the guys flake, so it is 3 women, the facilitator, and one other gent. Unfortunately the other gent is not much of a conversationalist.

Snippets of conversation (paraphrased and welded together):

After exchanging bio sketches, W1 takes a liking to me, or so it seems

W1 - When was your last long-term relationship?

smk - A couple of years ago or so. (should we start with the weather?)

W1- How did you meet her?

smk - I picked her up at a strip club. She was a dancer.

W1 - Really!

smk - Really.

W1 - How long did you go out?

Smk - A year and a half, maybe a bit less.

W1 - Why did you break up? Because she was a stripper?

(By this time ALL of the other people were leaning in and trying to hear our conversation.

Smk - No. She wanted to get married, and I didn't.

W1 - Oh. You did not want to marry a stripper?

Smk - No, stripping had noting to do with it.

W1 - Didn't it bother you?

Smk - Stripping? No.

W1 - Don't strippers also accept money for sex?

Smk - You are confusing stripping with hooking.

W1 - Same difference.

Smk - hmph.

W1 - (a bit sharper and MUCH less interested in smk now) Do you go to strip clubs often?

Smk - How many times a week is often?
W1 - Oh.

W2 - (after more or less turning her back on the facilitator) What is the attraction with strippers?

Smk - They generally have little problem getting naked.

W2 - Do you pay them for sex?

Smk - Sometimes. Sometimes not. Depends on the girl, day, mood.

W1 - Do you also see hookers?

Smk - Street girls, no. Escorts yes.

W2 - Why?

Smk - Convenience, honesty, reliability. And they go home after.

By now the WHOLE table is listening. The facilitator is making attempts to redirect the conversation, but to no avail. And if looks could kill….

Smk - Please do not take this wrong, but have any of you ever engaged in physical activity with the idea that you would be compensated somehow? Even if the compensation was not spelled out?

W3 - Define compensation.

Smk - A place to spend the night, a ride, cash, a gift, a promotion, a plum assignment.

W3 - By those definitions, yes. I slept with the partner to get ahead. I was young, stupid, and it did not work. But yes, just the once.

W1 and W2 were silent.

W2 - You said honesty, what did you mean by that?

Smk - I am attracted to her physically, and that is what I want, a physical experience. She wants the cash. I know it. So we work out an agreeable price and enjoy each other. Then it is over. Besides it costs not much more than dinner and show.

Later....

W3 - Have you ever slept with a someone and promised them a promotion or a raise.

Smk - Never.

W3 (to the other guy) - So have you ever paid for sex?

G2 - Uhm. Ahh. Well. S-s-sort of. (red and stuttering).

W1 - Are all men like this? Aren't there any decent men left? My ex went to get massages. It was a long time until I figured out why.

Smk - You asked a question, I answered truthfully. Did you ever cheat on your husband?

W1 - Never.

Smk - Never kissed another man?

W1 - Of course, but that is not cheating.

Smk - Did you ever kiss another man with intent?

W1 - Intent?

Smk - Intent to excite physical passion.

W1 - I am not sure.

Smk - Has another man ever touched you in a sexual manner, not intercourse, just in a sexual manner?

W1 - I did not do anything like that.

Smk - Never? Listen it is no skin off of my nose. But I find it hard to believe that you have never been confronted with a sexual situation outside of your primary relationship.

(at this point the facilitator has all but given up, her head in her hands).

W2 - I faced that once. We were all but naked. Except I could not go through with it. I stopped, and fortunately, he accepted the situation with good grace.

Smk - Did you ever discuss this with your SO?

W2 - No. I couldn't.

Smk - Why did you stop?

W2 - I don't know. I wanted it very much. But I could not go through with it. I just could not take the last step. I was actually crying with frustration. (laughing) I think that is why my friend took it so well, the crying that is.

W3 - I had an affair. My ex was having one. I was lonely. I missed sex, and I missed feeling good after sex even more. It was fun in the beginning, but it quickly became just another chore. I think it lasted all of three weeks. But I could have stopped before it started, and almost did. So I know what you mean.

W3 - So wise guy, did you ever have an affair?

Smk - No. I have dated two women at the same time. But not an "affair".

W1 - Semantics. Two women at the same time is having an affair.

Smk - I don't feel that way. I was not in a committed relationship, so it can not be an affair.

W1 - Did you ever touch a woman with intent?

Smk - Guilty. But nothing became of it. A little bit of flirting that got out of hand.

W1 - So when does it become an affair? When it is it just flirting?

Smk - I am not sure. But I would think that any oral/genital contact, penetration, or even mutual masturbation would qualify as an affair. A little touching and kissing would not cross the line. But others may disagree.

W1 - Would hookers count?

Smk - Of course. Why is a hooker easier to take than an affair with the next door neighbor?

W1 - I thought you would say it does not count.

W2 - I think an affair is worse. The fact that my man was spending emotional energy on another person would be harder for me to tolerate. A hooker is money, and affair is emotions. I think that is a big difference.

W1 - It doesn't matter. Cheating is cheating. Period. Besides, hookers have diseases. How can you risk it?

Smk - Safe sex. Always. In fact I think girlfriends are a bigger risk, as one is tempted to engage in risky behavior - no condoms.

W1 - Do you like Hookers because you can get anal sex?

Smk - (huh?) Sorry to burst your bubble, but hookers are no different than regular folks. Some do it, many don't. But there is something liberating about NOT having to worry about your lover. One can concentrate on ones own pleasure. One does not have to worry if she will respect you in the morning or think you are a pervert. With a lover, it is sometimes difficult to get to that level of intimacy and acceptance. At least for me. Odd, but one can be liberated with a hooker instantly in a way that takes great amount of time with a lover.

W1 - Is that a nice way to say yes?

Smk - Alright. Yes, I have had anal sex with hookers. I have, for the record, had anal sex with several different lovers over the years. It is not something that I demand. But if the woman enjoys it, and I can pleasure her in that way, I will.

W1 - It is never pleasurable to a woman.

Smk - Anyone else care to comment?

(at this point the facilitator has given up).

W2 - I tried it with my ex. It did not go so well. He was too big!

Smk - Apparently that is not one of my failings.

All eyes turn to W3.

W3 - Well, it can be fun, but only with someone that I trust and love deeply. I can enjoy that.

W1 - I don't believe it.

Smk - Well, I am not Wilt Chamberlain, but I have had lovers that really enjoyed anal. They are a minority, but they do exist.

W1 - If you are such an expert, how do you know?

Smk - They said so. Have you ever tried it?

W1 - Never.

Smk - You might try something before knocking it.

W1 - I know enough to know that that is not something that I would like.

Smk - (smk is not enamoured of W1) Good. A woman should know her limits.

W3 - Hey Clint.

The conversation went in this vein for a bit longer, with smk acting as agent provocateur.

Conversation switches to other items. Terrorism, the economy, electricity shortages, etc.

As we were leaving, W3 comes up to me and says that was the most fun she has had at these events. "At first I thought you were just a jerk. Now I don't think you are a jerk. I might not want to date you, but you do keep the conversation interesting." Thanks, I think. And too bad, W3 was a possibility.

The facilitator offered to refund my money and suggested that I not contact the agency again. Easy enough, since I did not contact them in the first place.

Moral of the story: Straight girls don't trust guys that see strippers and hookers. Or talk about anal sex at the dinner table.

I hope my friends get their money back.

I loved this story when you first posted it... and it's even funnier to me now. Thanks for bringing it back!

Still ROTFLMAOUIPM...
deChat