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craigofneportland craigofneportland rating
Member since 28-Dec-08
1094 posts, 22 feedbacks, 43 points
29-Dec-11, 02:29 PM (PST)
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"Funny escort horror stories."
 
LAST EDITED ON 29-Dec-11 AT 02:30 PM (PST)
 
Ladies: without outing anyone, tell us about the most bizarre, grossest, funniest or most interesting experience you've had with a client.

Gentleman: do the same as it relates to your experience with a provider.


I've always thought that providers probably have some of the most interesting stories to tell out of all people from all walks life.

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bobukiah bobukiah rating
Charter Member
138 posts, 1 feedbacks, 2 points
29-Dec-11, 04:37 PM (PST)
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1. "RE: Funny escort horror stories."
In response to message #0
 
   A provider once told me story, about her client having a heart attack during their session. She called 911 and the ambulance rushed him to the hospital. All I could think was, man I hope that never happens to me.

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craigofneportland craigofneportland rating
Member since 28-Dec-08
1094 posts, 22 feedbacks, 43 points
29-Dec-11, 05:24 PM (PST)
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2. "RE: Funny escort horror stories."
In response to message #0
 
I once had a girl tell me she had an incall. When I got to the hotel, she got in my car. Then she pulled out a coupon book, clipped a coupon for the hotel and asked me for the money for the room. Then she had me wait in my car while she went to the office and signed in. When she came back to my car, I went with her to the room, but all I could think about was how crazy it was to have had coupon clipping involved in a session. And she did it like it was perfectly normal.

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Lana_Luvwood Lana_Luvwood rating
Member since 13-Sep-07
2079 posts, 81 feedbacks, 154 points
30-Dec-11, 08:30 AM (PST)
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3. "RE: Funny escort horror stories."
In response to message #0
 

Until a man in a schoolgirl opens the door, red lipstick, with a mustache, blonde wig, with Britney Spears playing in the background and you have on a schoolgirl outfit on too because you didnt know that HE was the schoolgirl you haven't lived.

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zoezane zoezane rating
Member since 10-Jun-04
3088 posts, 40 feedbacks, 77 points
30-Dec-11, 11:28 AM (PST)
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4. "RE: Funny escort horror stories."
In response to message #3
 
LAST EDITED ON 30-Dec-11 AT 11:46 AM (PST)
 
A fetish freak came to my nice, discreet area - knocked on my door dressed like a girl. OFM!

Did a double, she was so drunk had to drag her ass out to the car.
Male friend was not happy at all.

One of my clients died and his family called me to see who it was. I told them I was his friend from a squared dance club. eeK!

A long standing friend was eating lunch with his daughter. He could not resist, said hello to me. His daughter wanted to know who I was. I never say hello to friends in public. Keep your dick in your pants buddy.

Boyfriend was lonely and working on a Sauturday. Boyfriend walked in on me and a friend I was doing. Scared the crap put of the one I was doing. LOL. No boyfriend, no key to boyfriend and the door is always locked!!!

zoe zane

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pohaku pohaku rating
Member since 25-Dec-03
7757 posts, 164 feedbacks, 297 points
30-Dec-11, 04:59 PM (PST)
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5. "RE: Funny escort horror stories."
In response to message #0
 
   LAST EDITED ON 30-Dec-11 AT 05:00 PM (PST)
 
Escort horror stories are not funny. They are scary.

I booked a hotel room to meet a lady, she was 2 hr late, no return calls and I decided she flaked. So I went to eat, when I returned to the hotel, she was at front desk arguing with the clerk to get my room number by describing what I look like ( we met socially before). I had to think real quick and decided to get mad at the front desk guy why he didn't give my room number to my poor GIRL FRIEND. suggesting he was disrespectful to her etc. While he was figuring out why I am acting all mad, we quickly went upstairs.

Oh BTW she faithfully followed my fetish request and was wearing " tan" pantyhose, short short plaid skirt and tight white low cut v neck sweater and white patent leather platform sandals.

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kellyinmarin kellyinmarin rating
Member since 22-Aug-04
1061 posts, 29 feedbacks, 44 points
02-Jan-12, 12:09 PM (PST)
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6. "RE: Funny escort horror stories."
In response to message #5
 
LAST EDITED ON 02-Jan-12 AT 12:25 PM (PST)
 
One of my reg's lost his mind! Well his memory anyway. I noticed he wasn't quite right and after the session was over I asked him if he was hungry. He was a lil hung over from the night before. He ate the other half to my tuna fish sandwich and said to me, what am I doing here? I was like what! He couldn't remember our session or eating the tuna fish sandwich. I said well we just had our session and you ate half of my tuna fish sandwich, to which he replied, yes I have the taste of tuna in my mouth. I've known him for some time now and I know he trusts me like I trust him so I said how are we going to get you out of here. We were at a Hotel and he was due home soon. The worst part was the scenario kept playing over and over again. I'd have to tell him where we were and why then he'd forget and I'd have to start all over. This went on for 3 hours! I finally got him in his car and ended up taking him to ER. I stayed with him long enough to give then his name and tell them what happened. The DR was looking at me like he knew what we had been up to but wasn't about to be nosey and ask anymore. I left him there, car in parking lot and took a cab back to Hotel. He called me later to say he was Ok and that he had a very low vitamin K I think and it causes memory loss. He had been to that same hospital years before with the same problem. He thanked me and asked if he could mail me the money he owed for the session plus some extra for taking good care of him. We are closer friends because of it!

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Djinz Djinz rating
Member since 3-Nov-05
815 posts, 10 feedbacks, 20 points
02-Jan-12, 01:08 PM (PST)
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7. "RE: Funny escort horror stories."
In response to message #6
 
LOL. That's a good crazy story.

If I came to in a provider's hotel room with taste of tuna in my mouth...well, I'd prob think that I just had the worse session ever...lol.

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kellyinmarin kellyinmarin rating
Member since 22-Aug-04
1061 posts, 29 feedbacks, 44 points
02-Jan-12, 01:40 PM (PST)
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8. "RE: Funny escort horror stories."
In response to message #7
 
LMAO!

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alliswon alliswon rating
Member since 26-Jul-03
493 posts, 8 feedbacks, 16 points
03-Jan-12, 02:35 AM (PST)
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9. "RE: Funny escort horror stories."
In response to message #7
 
:))

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summerrayne summerrayne rating
Member since 27-Apr-09
8978 posts, 152 feedbacks, 294 points
03-Jan-12, 05:10 AM (PST)
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10. "RE: Funny escort horror stories."
In response to message #6
 
LAST EDITED ON 03-Jan-12 AT 05:48 AM (PST)
 
Ok...I got up in the middle of the night to get a drink of water and got on my laptop.

Now the "hampster is on the wheel" lol.

Ok - let me tell you one of my stories...

Famous TOFTT guy visits me in order to get a good reference for the young spinners he really likes...

Loves my service but rates my body (in a review) against the young spinners he favors.

He fears an emotional connection with any of us.

Lovely!

However, the TOFTT-hobbyist forgets that he hung his Hershey-track-stained-Underoos up on the hook on the back of the bathroom door of my massage studio and that I could SEE them the whole time I was giving him an FBSM+/CMT session and going down on him.

YUCK.

I was nice afterwards because I knew who he was and I HAD TO BE.

He said he'd worked all night, had to get home to the wifey and didn't have TIME to take a shower -

or even shower with ME for that matter -

DISGUSTING...

Then - expos facto - he wants me to join in his war against another hobbyist (who I know in real life) -

I refuse - and he tells me to "F*** off FOREVER"...

NICE.

What his hater did was WRONG (threatening to tell his wife about his hobby) - but I didn't need to be roped into his drama.

I'm just trying to help people here, make my house payment, pay my bills, save for my future business (after I leave the adult industry), take care of my children, have a somewhat of a "normal" life in this sh**can economy - make friends and have fun in the process.

WTF is wrong with people that try to hurt sex workers - I will never understand...

We make a lot of people happy.

What we do is actually critical to keeping a lot of marriages together and a lot of men "together."

I have sessioned with lawyers, doctors, senators, Sheriff's deputies - they all have penises - have hearts, minds, souls -
love their wives, partners and honestly care about people like US.

What are sex workers - like me - doing wrong?

Do we offend your sense of childhood "right and wrong"?

I OFFEND my OWN childhood sense of "right and wrong" sometimes (in this line of work)!! Then I "pull back", re-focus and offer what I can that will make clients happy and me as well.

If somebody that's reading this is PISSED OFF - nobody is forcing you to be here. Be happy or take a f***ing vacation - damn!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAlyYH1PZ0I

If somebody IS forcing you to be here - start planning and plotting a way to GET OUT, be free and LIVE YOUR LIFE!!

The "indys" trying to help others and help ourselves - why are so many people trying to hurt us?!

But I digress (as usual lol)...

Anyway -

The hobbyist (with the Hershey-tracks-in-his-Underoos) in question - never apologized - and I'm glad he doesn't use me as a reference anymore because he's a self-serving, self-absorbed - PRICK.

"YES" - he was respectful when he was here, "YES" -

he gave me the correct donation -

and he was nice to me for as long as it would serve him well - and that's about it.

I could regale you all with stories for hours - but 99.9% of the fellas here are really nice (that see us) - so I will stop here...

Love you - I'm "out" -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqAVtp-QC30

It's always Summer at My Place!

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